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funny quotes for your Self help needs

   Prayer may not change things for you, but it for sure changes you for things.
 ~quote about Prayer by Samuel M. Shoemaker

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   Fear is the needle that pierces us that it may carry a thread to bind us to heaven.
 ~quotes on Fear by James Hastings

   Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope
 ~sayings on Fathers Day by Bill Cosby

   Humor is perhaps a sense of intellectual perspective: an awareness that some things are really important, others not; and that the two kinds are most oddly jumbled in everyday affairs.
 ~quotations on Humor by Christopher Morley

   Business is really more agreeable than pleasure; it interests the whole mind ... more deeply. But it does not look as if it did
 ~famous funny quote by Walt Bagehot

   When men grow virtuous in their old age, they only make a sacrifice to God of the devil's leavings.
 ~saying about funny by Jonathan Swift, Thoughts on Various Subjects, 1711

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   Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
 ~quote about Cats by Jeff Valdez

   Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill
 ~quotes on Get Well Soon by Johnny Carson

   Of the demonstrably wise there are but two: those who commit suicide, and those who keep their reasoning faculties atrophied by drink.
 ~sayings on Curmudgeons by Mark Twain, Note-Book, 1935

   Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures.
 ~quotations on Attitude by H. Jackson Brown, Jr., Life's Little Instruction Book

   And help us, this and every day, to live more nearly as we pray.
 ~famous funny quote by John Keble

   Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.
 ~saying about funny by Johnny Carson

   But a weed is simply a plant that wants to grow where people want something else. In blaming nature, people mistake the culprit. Weeds are people's idea, not nature's.
 ~quote about Weeds by Author Unknown

   Moonlight is sculpture.
 ~quotes on Night by Nathaniel Hawthorne

   If a doctor, lawyer, or dentist had 40 people in his office at one time, all of whom had different needs, and some of whom didn't want to be there and were causing trouble, and the doctor, lawyer, or dentist, without assistance, had to treat them all with
 ~sayings on Teacher Appreciation by Donald D. Quinn

   I paint objects as I think them, not as I see them.
 ~quotations on Imagination by Pablo Picasso

   As the presence of those we love is as a double life, so absence, in its anxious longing and sense of vacancy, is as a foretaste of death
 ~famous funny quote by Anna Brownell Jameson

   A grandmother is a babysitter who watches the kids instead of the television
 ~saying about funny by Author Unknown

   There are two lasting bequests we can give our children. One is roots. The other is wings.
 ~quote about Parenting by Hodding Carter, Jr.

   Death is life's way of telling you you're fired.
 ~quotes on Death by Author Unknown

   A biophysicist talks physics to the biologists and biology to the physicists, but then he meets another biophysicist, they just discuss women.
 ~sayings on Science by Author Unknown

   Eternity is not something that begins after you are dead. It is going on all the time.
 ~quotations on Living by Charlotte Perkins Gilman

   Missing someone gets easier every day because even though it's one day further from the last time you saw each other, it's one day closer to the next time you will
 ~famous funny quote by Author Unknown

   When you see a woman who can go nowhere without a staff of admirers, it is not so much because they think she is beautiful, it is because she has told them they are handsome.
 ~saying about funny by Jean Giraudoux

   If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm
 ~quote about Graduation by Vince Lombardi

   Solitude shows us what should be; society shows us what we are.
 ~quotes on Solitude by Robert Cecil

   The stench of the trail of Ego in our History. It is ego - ego, the fountain cry, origin, sole source of war.
 ~sayings on Patriotism by George Meredith, Beauchamp's Career

   Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
 ~quotations on Anger by Ambrose Bierce

   The past is never there when you try to go back. It exists, but only in memory. To pretend otherwise is to invite a mess.
 ~famous funny quote by Chris Cobbs

   But it is a cold, lifeless business when you go to the shops to buy something, which does not represent your life and talent, but a goldsmith's.
 ~saying about funny by Ralph Waldo Emerson, Gifts, Essays, Second Series, 1844

   You'll never have a quiet world till you knock the patriotism out of the human race.
 ~quote about Patriotism by George Bernard Shaw

   You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.
 ~quotes on Friendship by Dale Carnegie

   A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path
 ~sayings on Love Quotes by Agatha Christie

   I felt it shelter to speak to you
 ~quotations on For a Friend by Emily Dickinson

   They are supposed to be dispassionate dispensers of Pure Justice, icy islands of emotionless calculation. In short, umpires should be acute Republicans.
 ~famous funny quote by George F. Will, 1990

   Children have more need of models, than of critics
 ~saying about funny by Joseph Joubert

   The small percentage of dogs that bite people is monumental proof that the dog is the most benign, forgiving creature on earth.
 ~quote about Humankind by W.R. Koehler, The Koehler Method of Dog Training

   A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down.
 ~quotes on Friendship by Arnold Glasow

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