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50th birthday sayings for your Self help needs

   Whoever thinks of going to bed before twelve o'clock is a scoundrel.
 ~quote about Night by Samuel Johnson

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   No one is listening until you fart.
 ~quotes on Very True by Author Unknown

   Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility
 ~sayings on Comedy by James Thurber

   It was nice growing up with someone like you - someone to lean on, someone to count on... someone to tell on!
 ~quotations on Brothers by Author Unknown

   The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time.
 ~funny 50th birthday sayings by Abraham Lincoln

   You can find your way across this country using burger joints the way a navigator uses stars.
 ~saying about 50th birthday by Charles Kuralt

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   An erection is like the Theory of Relativity - the more you think about it, the harder it gets.
 ~quote about Sex by Author Unknown

   If we all did the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.
 ~quotes on Confidence by Thomas Alva Edison

   How many does it take to metamorphose wickedness into righteousness? One man must not kill. If he does, it is murder.... But a state or nation may kill as many as they please, and it is not murder. It is just, necessary, commendable, and right. Only get people enough to agree to it, and the butchery of myriads of human beings is perfectly innocent. But how many does it take?
 ~sayings on Violence by Adin Ballou, The Non-Resistant, 5 February 1845

   Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket.
 ~quotations on Dental by Ambrose Bierce

   Widespread caffeine use explains a lot about the twentieth century.
 ~funny 50th birthday sayings by Greg Egan, Distress

   The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.
 ~saying about 50th birthday by William Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice

   Talk doesn't cook rice.
 ~quote about Action by Chinese Proverb

   Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value
 ~quotes on Graduation by Albert Einstein

   I have my own little world, but it's okay - they know me here.
 ~sayings on Sanity by Author Unknown

   A new friendship is like an unripened fruit - it may become either an orange or a lemon
 ~quotations on Friendship by Emma Stacey

   Climb the mountains and get their good tidingsNature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into treesThe winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves
 ~funny 50th birthday sayings by John Muir

   First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly
 ~saying about 50th birthday by Branch Rickey

   If you press me to say why I loved him, I can say no more than because he was he, and I was I.
 ~quote about Love by Michel de Montaigne

   The man who doesn't relax and hoot a few hoots voluntarily, now and then, is in great danger of hooting hoots and standing on his head for the edification of the pathologist and trained nurse, a little later on
 ~quotes on Party Invitations by Elbert Hubbard

   I always give my grandkids a couple of quarters when they go home. It's a bargain.
 ~sayings on Grandparents by Gene Perret

   I believe that the Good Lord gave us a finite number of heartbeats and I'm damned if I'm going to use up mine running up and down a street.
 ~quotations on Exercise by Neil Armstrong on jogging, in an interview with Walter Cronkite

   Guilt is a rope that wears thin.
 ~funny 50th birthday sayings by Ayn Rand

   Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again.
 ~saying about 50th birthday by Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968

   Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.
 ~quote about Family by Jane Howard

   Whether he likes it or not, a manís character is stripped at the poker table; if the other players read him better than he does, he has only himself to blame. Unless he is both able and prepared to see himself as others do, flaws and all, he will be a loser in cards, as in life.
 ~quotes on Poker by Anthony Holden

   Live as long as you may, the first twenty years are the longest half of your life.
 ~sayings on Age by Robert Southey, The Doctor

   Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.
 ~quotations on Love by Peter Ustinov

   Courage is knowing what not to fear.
 ~funny 50th birthday sayings by Plato

   He that uses many words for the explaining any subject doth, like the cuttlefish, hide himself for the most part in his own ink.
 ~saying about 50th birthday by John Ray

   The drops of rain make a hole in the stone not by violence but by oft falling.
 ~quote about Perseverance by Lucretius

   The good writing of any age has always been the product of someone's neurosis, and we'd have a mighty dull literature if all the writers that came along were a bunch of happy chuckleheads.
 ~quotes on Writing by William Styron, interview, Writers at Work, 1958

   It is not sex that gives the pleasure, but the lover.
 ~sayings on Sex by Marge Piercy

   You must not know too much, or be too precise or scientific about birds and trees and flowers and water-craft; a certain free margin, and even vagueness - perhaps ignorance, credulity - helps your enjoyment of these things...
 ~quotations on Nature by Walt Whitman, Specimen Days, Birds - And a Caution (Thank you, Corinne.)

   One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.
 ~funny 50th birthday sayings by Will Durant

   If... the machine of government... is of such a nature that it requires you to be the agent of injustice to another, then, I say, break the law.
 ~saying about 50th birthday by Henry David Thoreau, On the Duty of Civil Disobediance, 1849

   Formerly, when religion was strong and science weak, men mistook magic for medicine; now, when science is strong and religion weak, men mistake medicine for magic.
 ~quote about Society by Thomas Szasz, The Second Sin, 1973

   We shall be inclined to pronounce the voyage that led to the way to this New World as the most epoch-making event of all that have occurred since the birth of Christ
 ~quotes on Columbus Day by John Fiske

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