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ass quotes for your Self help needs

   Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
 ~quote about War by Author Unknown
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   There are so many men who can figure costs, and so few who can measure values
 ~quotes on Graduation by Author Unknown

   You can't wring your hands and roll up your sleeves at the same time.
 ~sayings on Worry by Pat Schroeder

   Journalism is organized gossip.
 ~quotations on Media Journalism by Edward Egglestone

   Probably no man ever had a friend that he did not dislike a little.
 ~funny ass quote by E.W. Howe

   We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered.
 ~saying about ass by Tom Stoppard, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead
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   It may be that all games are silly. But then, so are humans.
 ~quote about Sports by Robert Lynd

   An artist is someone who produces things that people don't need to have but that he - for some reason - thinks it would be a good idea to give them.
 ~quotes on Art by Andy Warhol

   To many people virtue consists chiefly in repenting faults, not in avoiding them.
 ~sayings on Virtue by Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

   Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.
 ~quotations on Sisters by Pam Brown

   Our grandchildren accept us for ourselves, without rebuke or effort to change us, as no one in our entire lives has ever done, not our parents, siblings, spouses, friends - and hardly ever our own grown children.
 ~funny ass quote by Ruth Goode

   Modesty is the gentle art of enhancing your charm by pretending not to be aware of it.
 ~saying about ass by Oliver Herford

   Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside of them was superior to circumstance.
 ~quote about Confidence by Bruce Barton

   The only thing worth stealing is a kiss from a sleeping child.
 ~quotes on Children by Joe Houldsworth

   Without forgiveness life is governed by... an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.
 ~sayings on Forgiveness by Roberto Assagioli

   There are books so alive that you're always afraid that while you weren't reading, the book has gone and changed, has shifted like a river; while you went on living, it went on living too, and like a river moved on and moved away. No one has stepped twice into the same river. But did anyone ever step twice into the same book?
 ~quotations on Books Reading by Marina Tsvetaeva

   Man - despite his artistic pretensions, his sophistication, and his many accomplishments - owes his existence to a six inch layer of topsoil and the fact that it rains.
 ~funny ass quote by Author Unknown

   To be upset over what you don't have is to waste what you do have.
 ~saying about ass by Ken S. Keyes, Jr., Handbook to Higher Consciousness

   A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him or her.
 ~quote about Confidence by David Brinkley

   No one can get inner peace by pouncing on it.
 ~quotes on Stress by Harry Emerson Fosdick

   Courage is as often the outcome of despair as of hope; in the one case we have nothing to lose, in the other everything to gain.
 ~sayings on Courage by Diane de Poitiers

   I can't say as ever I was lost, but I was bewildered once for three days.
 ~quotations on Perspective by Daniel Boone

   When you leave the old for the new, you know what you are leaving but not what you will find
 ~funny ass quote by Ralph Parlette

   We swallow greedily any lie that flatters us, but we sip only little by little at a truth we find bitter.
 ~saying about ass by Denis Diderot

   If a white man falls off a chair drunk, it's just a drunk. If a Negro does, it's the whole damn Negro race.
 ~quote about Racism by Bill Cosby

   All maxims have their antagonist maxims; proverbs should be sold in pairs, a single one being but a half truth.
 ~quotes on Quotations by William Mathews

   Patch grief with proverbs.
 ~sayings on Quotations by William Shakespeare

   God is a sort of burglar. As a young man you knock him down; as an old man you try to conciliate him, because he may knock you down.
 ~quotations on God by H. Beerbohm-Tree

   The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day, you're off it.
 ~funny ass quote by Jackie Gleason

   The tragedy is when you've got sex in the head instead of down where it belongs.
 ~saying about ass by D.H. Lawrence

   No two men ever judged alike of the same thing, and it is impossible to find two opinions exactly similar, not only in different men but in the same men at different times.
 ~quote about Critics by Michel Montaigne

   We have, I fear, confused power with greatness
 ~quotes on Election Day by Stewart Udall

   If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment.
 ~sayings on Adversity by Henry David Thoreau

   Zoos are becoming facsimiles - or perhaps caricatures - of how animals once were in their natural habitat. If the right policies toward nature were pursued, we would need no zoos at all.
 ~quotations on Animal Rights by Michael Fox, Sierra, November-December 1990

   All change is not growth, as all movement is not forward.
 ~funny ass quote by Ellen Glasgow

   Liberalism is trust of the people tempered by prudence. Conservatism is distrust of the people tempered by fear.
 ~saying about ass by William E. Gladstone, 1866

   Courage is almost a contradiction in terms. It means a strong desire to live taking the form of readiness to die.
 ~quote about Courage by G.K. Chesterton

   Why Mr. Summers, don't you know that the spitter has been outlawed for years? How would I ever learn to throw one?
 ~quotes on Baseball by Thomas Jefferson
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