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ass quotes for your Self help needs

   There are many humorous things in the world, among them the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages.
 ~quote about Civilization by Mark Twain, Following the Equator, 1897

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   Jesus died too soon. He would have repudiated His doctrine if He had lived to my age.
 ~quotes on Jesus Christ by Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

   History is nothing but a problem of mechanics applied to psychology.
 ~sayings on History by Hippolyte Taine

   A great poet has seldom sung of lawfully wedded happiness, but of free and secret love; and in this respect, too the time is coming when there will no longer be one standard of morality for poetry and another for life. To anyone tender of conscience, the ties formed by a free connection are stronger than the legal ones.
 ~quotations on Marriage by Ellen Key, quoted by Sprading in Liberty and the Great Libertarians

   The heart has its reasons that reason knows nothing of.
 ~funny ass quotes by Blaise Pascal, Pensées, 1670

   So powerful is the light of unity that it can illuminate the whole earth.
 ~saying about ass by Bahá'u'lláh

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   This diamond has so many carats it's almost a turnip.
 ~quote about Jewelry by Richard Burton

   We can tell our values by looking at our checkbook stubs.
 ~quotes on Money by Gloria Steinem

   A boil is no big deal. On someone else's neck.
 ~sayings on Perspective by Jewish Saying

   Nobody's gone after Reds with this much vigor since Joe McCarthy
 ~quotations on Baseball by Jeff Blair

   The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.
 ~funny ass quotes by Rita Mae Brown

   A diplomat's life is made up of three ingredients: Protocol, Geritol, and alcohol.
 ~saying about ass by Adlai E. Stevenson

   Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.
 ~quote about Funny Saying by Oscar Wilde

   Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Walk beside me and be my friend
 ~quotes on Friends by Albert Camus

   I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.
 ~sayings on Self-Discovery by Henry David Thoreau, 1854

   Although he may not always recognize his bondage, modern man lives under a tyranny of numbers.
 ~quotations on Math by Nicholas Eberstadt, The Tyranny of Numbers: Mismeasurement and Misrule

   Fashion is like the id. It makes you desire things you shouldn't.
 ~funny ass quotes by Bob Morris

   The yoga mat is a good place to turn when talk therapy and antidepressants aren't enough.
 ~saying about ass by Amy Weintraub

   A mere compilation of facts presents only the skeleton of History; we do but little for her if we cannot invest her with life, clothe her in the habiliments of her day, and enable her to call forth the sympathies of succeeding generations.
 ~quote about History by Hannah Farnham Lee, The Huguenots in France and America

   Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan, 'Press on,' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race
 ~quotes on Education by Calvin Coolidge

   An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind.
 ~sayings on Friendship by

   Present your family and friends with their eulogies now - they won't be able to hear how much you love them and appreciate them from inside the coffin.
 ~quotations on Carpe Diem by Anonymous

   Before you've practiced, the theory is useless. After you've practiced, the theory is obvious.
 ~funny ass quotes by David Williams, an Ashtanga yoga teacher in Maui, Hawaii (quoted from yoga.com)

   If only Hitler and Mussolini could have a good game of bowls once a week at Geneva, I feel that Europe would not be as troubled as it is.
 ~saying about ass by R.G. Briscow

   Recall the old story of the rather refined young man who preferred sex dreams to visiting brothels because he met a much nicer type of girl that way.
 ~quote about Dreams by Vivian Mercer

   Without love, what are we worth? Eighty-nine cents! Eighty-nine cents worth of chemicals walking around lonely
 ~quotes on Anniversaries by M*A*S*H, Hawkeye

   Dogs are miracles with paws.
 ~sayings on Dogs by Attributed to Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy

   The devil loves nothing better than the intolerance of reformers.
 ~quotations on Hypocrisy by James Russell Lowell

   Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up.
 ~funny ass quotes by Evelyn Hendrickson

   Love is a symbol of eternityIt wipes out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all fear of an end
 ~saying about ass by Author Unknown

   You can't see anything from a car; you've got to get out of the goddamn contraption and walk, better yet crawl, on hands and knees, over the sandstone and through the thornbrush and cactus. When traces of blood begin to mark your trail, you'll see something, maybe.
 ~quote about Driving by Edward Abbey

   A good book is always on tap; it may be decanted and drunk a hundred times, and it is still there for further imbibement.
 ~quotes on Books Reading by Holbrook Jackson

   Monday is a lame way to spend 1/7 of your life.
 ~sayings on Jobs by Author Unknown

   Congress is so strange. A man gets up to speak and says nothing. Nobody listens - and then everybody disagrees.
 ~quotations on Government by Boris Marshalov

   It's not the voting that's democracy; it's the counting
 ~funny ass quotes by Tom Stoppard, Jumpers

   Insanity is hereditary - you get it from your kids.
 ~saying about ass by Sam Levenson

   Sex is emotion in motion.
 ~quote about Chakras by Mae West

   Men were made for war. Without it they wandered greyly about, getting under the feet of the women, who were trying to organize the really important things of life.
 ~quotes on War by Alice Thomas Ellis

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