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ass quotes for your Self help needs

   The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
 ~quote about Speaking by George Bernard Shaw

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   It's designed to break your heart. The game begins in the spring, when everything is new again, and it blossoms in the summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains comes, it stops, and leaves you to face the fall alone
 ~quotes on Baseball by Bartlett Giamatti

   It is striking how history, when resting on the memory of men, always touches the bounds of mythology.
 ~sayings on History by Leopold von Ranke, History of the Popes

   The best way to succeed in life is to act on the advice we give to others.
 ~quotations on Hypocrisy by Author Unknown

   Don't let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.
 ~funny ass quotes by John Wooden

   Things alter for the worse spontaneously, if they be not altered for the better designedly.
 ~saying about ass by Francis Bacon

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   Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.
 ~quote about Guests by Author Unknown

   Never have children, only grandchildren.
 ~quotes on Grandparents by Gore Vidal

   By the time a son realizes his father usually right, he has a son who thinks his father is usually wrong.
 ~sayings on Family by

   Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.
 ~quotations on Fate by Kin Hubbard

   Sickness is the vengeance of nature for the violation of her laws.
 ~funny ass quotes by Charles Simmons

   The problem with marriage is that it ends every night after making love, and it must be rebuilt every morning before breakfast.
 ~saying about ass by Gabriel García Márquez

   The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
 ~quote about Laughter by e.e. cummings

   The era of true peace on earth will not come as long as a tremendous percentage of your taxes goes to educate men in the trades of slaughter.
 ~quotes on War by Reginald Wright Kauffman

   If you doubt yourself, then indeed you stand on shaky ground.
 ~sayings on Confidence by Henrik Ibsen

   America is a mistake, a giant mistake.
 ~quotations on America by Sigmund Freud

   There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators.
 ~funny ass quotes by Will Rogers

   The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing
 ~saying about ass by Phyllis Diller

   I never did, or countenanced, in public life, a single act inconsistent with the strictest good faith; having never believed there was one code of morality for a public, and another for a private man.
 ~quote about Integrity by Thomas Jefferson, 1809

   It takes about ten years to get used to how old you are.
 ~quotes on Age by Quoted by Raymond A. Michel in The Leaf

   In God we trust; all others must pay cash.
 ~sayings on Debt by American Saying

   The lover is a monotheist who knows that other people worship different gods but cannot himself imagine that there could be other gods.
 ~quotations on Love by Theodor Reik, Of Love and Lust, 1957

   Love withers under constraints: its very essence is liberty: it is compatible neither with obedience, jealousy, nor fear: it is there most pure, perfect, and unlimited where its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve.
 ~funny ass quotes by Percy Bysshe Shelley, Queen Mab notes

   It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge
 ~saying about ass by Phyllis Diller

   It is impossible to discourage the real writers - they don't give a damn what you say, they're going to write.
 ~quote about Writing by Sinclair Lewis

   How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.
 ~quotes on Carpe Diem by Annie Dillard, The Writing Life

   I don't know much about history, and I wouldn't give a nickel for all the history in the world. History is more or less bunk. It is a tradition. We want to live in the present, and the only history that is worth a tinker's damn is the history we make today.
 ~sayings on History by Henry Ford

   Society does not need more children; but it does need more loved children. Quite literally, we cannot afford unloved children - but we pay heavily for them every day. There should not be the slightest communal concern when a woman elects to destroy the life of her thousandth-of-an-ounce embryo. But all society should rise up in alarm when it hears that a baby that is not wanted is about to be born.
 ~quotations on Abortion by Garrett Hardin

   Be nice to people on your way up because you'll need them on your way down.
 ~funny ass quotes by W. Migner

   To the outside world we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were. We know each other's hearts. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys. We live outside the touch of time.
 ~saying about ass by Clara Ortega

   The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.
 ~quote about Appearance by P.J. O'Rourke

   Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds
 ~quotes on Birthday Sayings by Buddha

   Dreams are the touchstone of our character
 ~sayings on Dreams by Henry David Thoreau

   You learn to like someone when you find out what makes them laugh, but you can never truly love someone until you find out what makes them cry.
 ~quotations on Love by Author Unknown

   Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
 ~funny ass quotes by P.J. O'Rourke

   It'll be a great day when education gets all the money it wants and the Air Force has to hold a bake sale to buy bombers.
 ~saying about ass by Unknown author, quoted in You Said a Mouthful edited by Ronald D. Fuchs

   You've got to get to the stage in life where going for it is more important than winning or losing.
 ~quote about Happiness by Arthur Ashe

   May the sun in his course visit no land more free, more happy, more lovely, than this our own country!
 ~quotes on Independence Day by Daniel Webster

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