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funny quotes for your Self help needs

   The law is an adroit mixture of customs that are beneficial to society, and could be followed even if no law existed, and others that are of advantage to a ruling minority, but harmful to the masses of men, and can be enforced on them only by terror.
 ~quote about Justice by Peter Kropotkin, Words of a Rebel
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   We have descended into the garden and caught three hundred slugs. How I love the mixture of the beautiful and the squalid in gardening. It makes it so lifelike.
 ~quotes on Gardens by Evelyn Underhill, Letters

   I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
 ~sayings on Money by Mark Twain

   If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.
 ~quotations on Success by Quentin Crisp

   Vegetarianism can easily reach religious proportions. Refraining from meat on moral grounds serves to dignify feelings of guilt toward sad-eyed, furry creatures and substitutes righteousness for squeamishness.
 ~funny inspirational quotes by Bill Griffith, Griffith Observatory comic strip, 1977

   Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.
 ~saying about funny by Stephen Leacock, Literary Lapses, 1910
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   [P]atriotism... is not short, frenzied outbursts of emotion, but the tranquil and steady dedication of a lifetime
 ~quote about Patriotic by Adlai Stevenson

   Where is the "good" in goodbye?
 ~quotes on Goodbye by Author Unknown

   Bygone troubles are good to tell.
 ~sayings on Adversity by Yiddish Proverb

   I considered atheism, but there weren't enough holidays.
 ~quotations on Religion by Author Unknown

   The purpose of life is not to be happy - but to matter, to be productive, to be useful, to have it make some difference that you have lived at all.
 ~funny inspirational quotes by Leo Rosten

   Hating people is like burning your own house to get rid of a rat.
 ~saying about funny by Harry Fosdick

   When I am anxious it is because I am living in the future. When I am depressed it is because I am living in the past.
 ~quote about Living by Author Unknown

   All obstacles are power generators.
 ~quotes on Attitude by

   You must teach your children that the ground beneath their feet is the ashes of your grandfathers. So that they will respect the land, tell your children that the earth is rich with the lives of our kin. Teach your children what we have taught our children, that the earth is our mother. Whatever befalls the earth befalls the sons of the earth. If men spit upon the ground, they spit upon themselves.
 ~sayings on Environment by Native American Wisdom

   It ain't no sin if you crack a few laws now and then, just so long as you don't break any.
 ~quotations on Justice by Mae West

   I know nothing about sex, because I was always married.
 ~funny inspirational quotes by Zsa Zsa Gabor

   If a small thing has the power to make you angry, does that not indicate something about your size?
 ~saying about funny by Sydney J. Harris

   Light gives of itself freely, filling all available space. It does not seek anything in return; it asks not whether you are friend or foe. It gives of itself and is not thereby diminished.
 ~quote about Light by Michael Strassfeld

   In about the same degree as you are helpful, you will be happy.
 ~quotes on Helping by Karl Reiland

   The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised.
 ~sayings on Optimism Pessimism by George F. Will, The Leveling Wind

   It is astonishing how little one feels alone when one loves
 ~quotations on I Love You by John Bulwer

   [A knuckleball is] a curve ball that doesn't give a damn.
 ~funny inspirational quotes by Jimmy Cannon

   Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire PR officers.
 ~saying about funny by Daniel J. Boorstin

   History, like a vast river, propels logs, vegetation, rafts, and debris; it is full of live and dead things, some destined for resurrection; it mingles many waters and holds in solution invisible substances stolen from distant soils.
 ~quote about History by Jacques Barzun, Clio and the Doctors

   Julian Dicks is everywhere, it's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field
 ~quotes on Football by Unknown

   Healthy children will not fear life if their elders have integrity enough not to fear death.
 ~sayings on Death by Erik H. Erikson

   Nature does not count nor do integers occur in nature. Man made them all, integers and all the rest, Kronecker to the contrary notwithstanding.
 ~quotations on Math by Percy William Bridgman, The Way Things Are

   This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.
 ~funny inspirational quotes by Dalai Lama

   The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
 ~saying about funny by Eleanor Roosevelt

   A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other
 ~quote about New Year by Author Unknown

   It is the province of knowledge to speak and it is the privilege of wisdom to listen.
 ~quotes on Growth by Oliver Wendell Holmes

   Family quarrels have a total bitterness unmatched by others. Yet it sometimes happens that they also have a kind of tang, a pleasantness beneath the unpleasantness, based on the tacit understanding that this is not for keeps; that any limb you climb out on will still be there later for you to climb back.
 ~sayings on Family by Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

   Everybody can be great...because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.
 ~quotations on Attitude by Martin Luther King, Jr.

   Law is nothing unless close behind it stands a warm living public opinion.
 ~funny inspirational quotes by Wendell Phillips

   I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.
 ~saying about funny by Voltaire

   There are many men of principle in both parties in America, but there is no party of principle
 ~quote about Election Day by Alexis de Tocqueville

   When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.
 ~quotes on Kindness by Abraham Joshua Heschel
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