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joke quotes for your Self help needs

   You don’t run against a bloody stop watch, do you hear? A runner runs against himself, against the best that's in him. Not against a dead thing of wheels and pulleys. That's the way to be great, running against yourself. Against all the rotten mess in the world. Against God, if you’re good enough.
 ~quote about Running by Bill Persons

   Most horror movies are certainly that.
 ~quotes on Cinema by Brendan Francis

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   The history of our grandparents is remembered not with rose petals but in the laughter and tears of their children and their children's children. It is into us that the lives of grandparents have gone. It is in us that their history becomes a future.
 ~sayings on Grandparents by Charles and Ann Morse

   With every civil right there is a civil duty.
 ~quotations on Proverbs by

   The whole inspiration of our life as a nation flows out from the waving folds of this banner
 ~funny joke and quote by Author Unknown

   We can’t help creating the good – or bad we constantly thinking about.
 ~saying about joke by

   If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament.
 ~quote about Abortion by Florynce R. Kennedy, 1973

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   The myths about Hades and the gods, though they are pure invention, help to make men virtuous.
 ~quotes on Religion by Diodorus Siculus, c. 20 BC

   You can take no credit for beauty at sixteenBut if you are beautiful at sixty, it will be your soul's own doing
 ~sayings on Women's Greetings by Marie Stopes

   A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
 ~quotations on Diplomacy by Robert Frost

   I am accustomed to sleep and in my dreams to imagine the same things that lunatics imagine when awake.
 ~funny joke and quote by Rene Descartes, Meditations on First Philosophy

   If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then give up. There's no use in being a damn fool about it.
 ~saying about joke by W.C. Fields

   Never tell your resolution beforehand, or it's twice as onerous a duty
 ~quote about New Year by John Selden

   There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
 ~quotes on Environment by Robert Orben

   The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief.
 ~sayings on Adversity by William Shakespeare, Othello

   Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious as to have friends at a distance; they make the latitudes and longitudes
 ~quotations on Missing You by Henry David Thoreau

   No man ever wetted clay and then left it, as if there would be bricks by chance and fortune.
 ~funny joke and quote by Plutarch

   Music produces a kind of pleasure which human nature cannot do without.
 ~saying about joke by Confucius

   The summer night is like a perfection of thought.
 ~quote about Summer by Wallace Stevens

   Nobody motivates today's workers. If it doesn't come from within, it doesn't come. Fun helps remove the barriers that allow people to motivate themselves
 ~quotes on Motivation by Herman Cain

   A kiss without a hug is like a flower without the fragrance.
 ~sayings on Hugs by Proverb

   The real danger is not that computers will begin to think like men, but that men will begin to think like computers.
 ~quotations on Computers by Sydney J. Harris

   I'm not overweight. I'm just nine inches too short.
 ~funny joke and quote by Shelley Winters

   When I was growing up, there were two things that were unpopular in my house. One was me, and the other was my guitar
 ~saying about joke by Bruce Springsteen

   It is foolish to tear one's hair in grief, as though sorrow would be made less by baldness
 ~quote about Adversity by Cicero

   Permit no one to dissuade you from pursuing the goals you set for yourselves. Do not fear to pioneer. To venture down new paths of endeavor.
 ~quotes on Goals by Ralph J. Bunche

   A library is thought in cold storage.
 ~sayings on Libraries by Herbert Samuel

   Morphine and state relief are the same. You go dopey, feel better and are worse off.
 ~quotations on Government by Martin H. Fischer

   Patience is a most necessary qualification for business; many a man would rather you heard his story than granted his request.
 ~funny joke and quote by Lord Chesterfield

   The power of love to change bodies is legendary, built into folklore, common sense, and everyday experience. Love moves the flesh, it pushes matter around.... Throughout history, tender loving care has uniformly been recognized as a valuable element in healing.
 ~saying about joke by Larry Dossey

   Emotion always has its roots in the unconscious and manifests itself in the body.
 ~quote about Body by Irene Claremont de Castillejo

   On Thanksgiving Day we acknowledge our dependence
 ~quotes on Thanksgiving Day by William Jennings Bryan

   Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.
 ~sayings on Humor by William James

   Being 'willing', moves you beyond your limitations and into greatness.
 ~quotations on Success by Nisandeh Neta

   The real differences around the world today are not between Jews and Arabs; Protestants and Catholics; Muslims, Croats, and SerbsThe real differences are between those who embrace peace and those who would destroy it; between those who look to the future
 ~funny joke and quote by William J. Clinton, 1997

   A friend is the only person you will let into the house when you are Turning Out Drawers
 ~saying about joke by Pam Brown

   Trip over love, you can get up. Fall in love and you fall forever.
 ~quote about Love by Author Unknown

   Certain thoughts are prayers. There are moments when, whatever be the attitude of the body, the soul is on its knees.
 ~quotes on Prayer by Victor Hugo, Les Misérables, 1862

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