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Quote Type : Humor   Funny Quotes By : Bucket
      A woman's place is in the kitchen, telling her man how she likes her steak.

Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Quotes By : Dave Barry
      You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Quotes By : Woody Allen
      You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.

Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Quotes By : David Letterman
      Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving.
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Quote Type : Funny Saying   Funny Quotes By : Charlie Brown
      Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.

Quote Type : Humor   Funny Quotes By : 
      Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Quotes By : Woody Allen
      It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Quotes By : Mel Brooks
      I'm a man of the world, Andy. Why, I've even been to Raleigh!

Quote Type : Funny Saying   Funny Quotes By : Oscar Levant
      The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.

Quote Type : Humor   Funny Quotes By : 
      Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.

Type: Election Day   Funny Sayings By: Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952
      I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them

Type: Party Invitations   Funny Sayings By: Joseph Schenck
      If four or five guys tell you that you're drunk, even though you know you haven't had a thing to drink, the least you can do is to lie down a little while

Type: Funny Quotes   Funny Sayings By: Dick Cavett
      If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either.

Type: Arbor Day   Funny Sayings By: John Muir
      I never saw a discontented treeThey grip the ground as though they liked it, and though fast rooted they travel about as far as we doThey go wandering forth in all directions with every wind, going and coming like ourselves, traveling with us around the s

Type: Career   Funny Sayings By: Buddha
      I never see what has been done; I only see what remains to be done.

Type: Cool   Funny Sayings By: Tom Hopkins
      If your sunshine wants far outstrip your cold morning desire, have a talk with yourself. Then have a lot more talks with yourself. Convince number one that you can succeed - and you will succeed. If you don't believe in you, why should anyone else?

Type: Attitude   Funny Sayings By: William Shakespeare
      How far that little candle throws his beams! So shines a good deed in a weary world.

Type: Sweetest Day   Funny Sayings By: William Shakespeare
      How far that little candle throws his beams!So shines a good deed in a weary world.

Type: Christmas   Funny Sayings By: New York Times, 25 December 1937, quoted in Quotations for Special Occasions by Maud van Buren, 193
      We hear the beating of wings over Bethlehem and a light that is not of the sun or of the stars shines in the midnight skyLet the beauty of the story take away all narrowness, all thought of formal creedsLet it be remembered as a story that has happened ag

Type: Christmas   Funny Sayings By: Author Unknown
      Oh, for the good old days when people would stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money

Type: Future   Funny Sayings By: Albert Einstein
      I never think of the future. It comes soon enough

Type: Attitude   Funny Sayings By: George Washington Carver
      How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these.

Type: Sweetest Day   Funny Sayings By: George Washington Carver
      How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strongBecause someday in your life you will have been all of these

Type: Dance   Funny Sayings By: The Wonder Years
      All our young lives we search for someone to love, someone who makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope, all the while wondering if somewhere and somehow there is someone searching for us
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