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Quote Type : Funny Saying   Funny Quotes By : Denis Leary
      Jerry Lewis has been married twenty times. He gets married on a Tuesday, they find his wife dead in a swimming pool on Thursday. Maybe if you married someone who's old enough to swin next time, OK Jerry?

Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Quotes By : Oscar Wilde
      I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability.

Quote Type : Humor   Funny Quotes By : Randy Gilbert
      If genius is one percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration, I wind up sharing elevators with a lot of bright people

Quote Type : Funny Saying   Funny Quotes By : Oliver Herford
      The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet.

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Quote Type : Funny Saying   Funny Quotes By : Ed Gardner
      Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

Quote Type : Humor   Funny Quotes By : Carolyn
      Jesus is like Sugar..

Quote Type : Humor   Funny Quotes By : Romain Gary
      Humor is an affirmation of dignity, a declaration of man's superiority to all that befalls him.

Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Quotes By : Oscar Levant
      I'm going to memorize your name and throw my head away.

Quote Type : Humor   Funny Quotes By : H.L. Mencken
      Opera in English is, in the main, just about as sensible as baseball in Italian.

Quote Type : Humor   Funny Quotes By : George Carlin
      Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?

Type: Dreams   Funny Sayings By: Antoine De Saint
      A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral

Type: Funny Saying   Funny Sayings By: dad
      better pissed off than pissed on

Type: Columbus Day   Funny Sayings By: Margot Asquith
      What a pity, when Christopher Columbus discovered America, that he ever mentioned it

Type: Responsibility   Funny Sayings By: Euripides
      Do not plan for ventures before finishing what's at hand.

Type: Adversity   Funny Sayings By: Lucy Larcom
      Like a plant that starts up in showers and sunshine and does not know which has best helped it to grow, it is difficult to say whether the hard things or the pleasant things did me the most good

Type: Funny Quotes   Funny Sayings By: Woody Allen
      On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.

Type: Business   Funny Sayings By: Unknown
      It's a poor workman who blames his tools

Type: Motivation   Funny Sayings By: C. Gene Wilkes
      People prefer to follow those who help them, not those who intimidate them

Type: Growth   Funny Sayings By: Abraham Lincoln
      I will prepare and some day my chance will come.

Type: Missing You   Funny Sayings By: Anna Brownell Jameson
      As the presence of those we love is as a double life, so absence, in its anxious longing and sense of vacancy, is as a foretaste of death

Type: Goodbye   Funny Sayings By: Anna Brownell Jameson
      As the presence of those we love is as a double life, so absence, in its anxious longing and sense of vacancy, is as a foretaste of death

Type: Friendship   Funny Sayings By: 
      We can pull, but not push, a string, a man, a child, a customer, a friend.

Type: Funny Quotes   Funny Sayings By: Henny Youngman
      When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Type: Living   Funny Sayings By: Albert Camus
      Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.

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