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Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Quotes By : Woody Allen
      If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.

Quote Type : Humor   Funny Quotes By : Alice Walker
      I'm always amazed that people will actually choose to sit in front of the television and just be savaged by stuff that belittles their intelligence.

Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Quotes By : e. e. cummings
      I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.

Quote Type : Humor   Funny Quotes By : 
      Your butt smells like chickenpoo but you sniff it anyway because it's there

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Quote Type : Humor   Funny Quotes By : Grenville Kleiser
      Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It is a business asset. It attracts and keeps friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment.

Quote Type : Humor   Funny Quotes By : Alan Kay
       If you don't fail at least 90 percent of the time, you're not aiming high enough.

Quote Type : Humor   Funny Quotes By : Anatole France
      If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.

Quote Type : Humor   Funny Quotes By : Jessie Jackson
      A frustrated chicken should not vote for Colonel Sanders.

Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Quotes By : Woody Allen
      I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Quotes By : Oscar Levant
      So little time and so little to do.

Type: Graduation   Funny Sayings By: Author Unknown
      There are so many men who can figure costs, and so few who can measure values

Type: Retirement   Funny Sayings By: Robert Half
      There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working

Type: Adversity   Funny Sayings By: Michel de Montaigne
      There are some defeats more triumphant than victories

Type: Happiness   Funny Sayings By: Frederick Faber
      There are souls in this world which have the gift of finding joy everywhere and of leaving it behind them when they go.

Type: Adversity   Funny Sayings By: Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin
      There are sufferings that have lost their memory and do not remember why they are suffering

Type: Responsibility   Funny Sayings By: 
      These are the days when a man grows into the man he's gonna be for the rest of his life.

Type: Arbor Day   Funny Sayings By: Rabindranath Tagore, Fireflies, 1928
      Trees are the earth's endless effort to speak to the listening heaven

Type: Patriot Day   Funny Sayings By: Author Unknown
      There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go

Type: Patriotic   Funny Sayings By: Archibald MacLeish
      There are those, I know, who will say that the liberation of humanity, the freedom of man and mind, is nothing but a dreamThey are rightIt is the American dream

Type: Teacher Appreciation   Funny Sayings By: Author Unknown
      There are three good reasons to be a teacher - June, July, and August

Type: Baby   Funny Sayings By: Irena Chalmers
      There are three reasons for breast-feeding: the milk is always at the right temperature; it comes in attractive containers; and the cat can't get it

Type: Adversity   Funny Sayings By: Author Unknown
      There are times in everyone's life when something constructive is born out of adversity... when things seem so bad that you've got to grab your fate by the shoulders and shake it

Type: Adversity   Funny Sayings By: Nicolas Chamfort
      There are two things that one must get used to or one will find life unendurable: the damages of time and injustices of men

Type: Happiness   Funny Sayings By: Dalai Lama
      There are two ways to create happiness. The first is external. By obtaining better shelter, better clothes, and better friends, we can find a certain measure of happiness and satisfaction. The second is through mental development, which yields inner happiness.

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