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Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Quotes By : Woody Allen
      Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.

Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Quotes By : Gallagher
      Don't you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked 'Brightness', but it doesn't work.

Quote Type : Funny Saying   Funny Quotes By : George Carlin
      Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Quotes By : Mel Brooks
      Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
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Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Quotes By : Woody Allen
      If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.

Quote Type : Humor   Funny Quotes By : Alice Walker
      I'm always amazed that people will actually choose to sit in front of the television and just be savaged by stuff that belittles their intelligence.

Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Quotes By : e. e. cummings
      I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.

Quote Type : Humor   Funny Quotes By : 
      Your butt smells like chickenpoo but you sniff it anyway because it's there

Quote Type : Humor   Funny Quotes By : Grenville Kleiser
      Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It is a business asset. It attracts and keeps friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment.

Quote Type : Humor   Funny Quotes By : Alan Kay
       If you don't fail at least 90 percent of the time, you're not aiming high enough.

Type: Death   Funny Sayings By: Kahlil Gibran
      the silence that guards the tomb does not reveal God's secret in the obscurity of the coffin, and the rustling of the branches whose roots suck the body's elements do not tell the mysteries of the grave, by the agonized sighs of my heart announce to the living the drama which love, beauty, and death have performed

Type: Goals   Funny Sayings By: 
      Obstacles are those pesky things that hinder us only when we lose sight of our goal.

Type: Graduation   Funny Sayings By: Henry Ford
      Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal

Type: Self Confidence   Funny Sayings By: Leonardo da Vinci
      Obstacles cannot crush me. Every obstacle yields to stern resolve. He who is fixed to a star does not change his mind.

Type: Attitude   Funny Sayings By: Michael Jordan
      Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.

Type: Missing You   Funny Sayings By: Richard Bach
      Can miles truly separate you from friends.... If you want to be with someone you love, aren't you already there?

Type: Goodbye   Funny Sayings By: Richard Bach
      Can miles truly separate you from friends.... If you want to be with someone you love, aren't you already there?

Type: Future   Funny Sayings By: Marcus Aurelius
      Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present

Type: Funny Saying   Funny Sayings By: Denis Leary
      Jerry Lewis has been married twenty times. He gets married on a Tuesday, they find his wife dead in a swimming pool on Thursday. Maybe if you married someone who's old enough to swin next time, OK Jerry?

Type: Computers   Funny Sayings By: Steve Jobs
      My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's reading

Type: Thanksgiving Day   Funny Sayings By: H.U. Westermayer
      The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than hutsNo Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving

Type: Patriotic   Funny Sayings By: Benjamin Franklin
      Where liberty dwells, there is my country

Type: Independence Day   Funny Sayings By: Benjamin Franklin
      Where liberty dwells, there is my country

Type: Easter   Funny Sayings By: Robert Mowry Bell
      Could life so end, half told; its school so fail? Soul, soul, there is a sequel to thy tale!
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