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sarcastic quotes for your Self help needs

   To hear many religious people talk, one would think God created the torso, head, legs and arms, but the devil slapped on the genitals.
 ~quote about Sex by Don Schrader

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   If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.
 ~quotes on Perspective by Abraham Maslow

   Patriotism is a kind of religion; it is the egg from which wars are hatched.
 ~sayings on Patriotism by Guy de Maupassant

   I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
 ~quotations on Intuition by Stanley Baldwin

   Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers
 ~funny quotes sarcastic by Anthony Robbins

   He looks the whole world in the face for he owes not any man.
 ~saying about sarcastic by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

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   Love me and the world is mine.
 ~quote about Love by David Reed

   We will have to repent in this generation not merely for the vitriolic words and actions of the bad people, but for the appalling silence of the good people.
 ~quotes on Integrity by Martin Luther King, Jr.

   Are we not like two volumes of one book?
 ~sayings on I Love You by Marceline Desbordes-Valmore

   Life without sex might be safer but it would be unbearably dull. It is the sex instinct which makes women seem beautiful, which they are once in a blue moon, and men seem wise and brave, which they never are at all. Throttle it, denaturalize it, take it away, and human existence would be reduced to the prosaic, laborious, boresome, imbecile level of life in an anthill.
 ~quotations on Sex by Henry Louis Mencken

   You have to wake up a virgin each morning.
 ~funny quotes sarcastic by Jean-Louis Barrault

   A perfectly healthy sentence, it is true, is extremely rare. For the most part we miss the hue and fragrance of the thought; as if we could be satisfied with the dews of the morning or evening without their colors, or the heavens without their azure.
 ~saying about sarcastic by Henry David Thoreau

   We are born weak, we need strength; helpless, we need aid; foolish, we need reason. All that we lack at birth, all that we need when we come to man's estate, is the gift of education
 ~quote about Birth by Jean-Jacques Rousseau

   There's a saying among prospectors: Go out looking for one thing, and that's all you'll ever find.
 ~quotes on Attitude by Robert Flaherty

   Heart attacks... God's revenge for eating his little animal friends.
 ~sayings on Vegetarianism by Author Unknown

   A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B.
 ~quotations on College by Fats Domino

   There are always too many Democratic congressmen, too many Republican congressmen, and never enough U.S. congressmen.
 ~funny quotes sarcastic by Author Unknown

   This is the sort of bloody nonsense up with which I will not put.
 ~saying about sarcastic by Attributed to Winston Churchill, rejecting the rule against ending a sentence with a preposition, c.

   The man who will use his skill and constructive imagination to see how much he can give for a dollar, instead of how little he can give for a dollar, is bound to succeed.
 ~quote about Business by Henry Ford

   Wherever you go, go with all your heart
 ~quotes on Graduation by Confucius

   As long as you keep getting born, it's alright to die some times
 ~sayings on Adversity by Orson Scott Card

   As soon go kindle fire with snow, as seek to quench the fire of love with words.
 ~quotations on Love by William Shakespeare

   Nobody can do for little children what grandparents doGrandparents sort of sprinkle stardust over the lives of little children
 ~funny quotes sarcastic by Alex Haley

   There are few sorrows, however poignant, in which a good income is of no avail.
 ~saying about sarcastic by Logan Pearsall Smith, Life and Human Nature, Afterthoughts, 1931

   [I]t must be emphasized that nonviolent resistance is not a method for cowards; it does resistIf one uses this method because he is afraid or merely because he lacks the instruments of violence, he is not truly nonviolentThis is why Gandhi often said that
 ~quote about Martin Luther King, Jr. Day by Martin Luther King, Jr., Stride Toward Freedom: The Montgomery Story, 1958

   He that wants money, means, and content is without three good friends.
 ~quotes on Money by William Shakespeare

   Democracy is necessitated by the fact that all men are sinners; it is made possible by the fact that we know it.
 ~sayings on Living by D. Elton Trueblood

   The man who doesn't relax and hoot a few hoots voluntarily, now and then, is in great danger of hooting hoots and standing on his head for the edification of the pathologist and trained nurse, a little later on.
 ~quotations on Stress by Elbert Hubbard

   My alphabet starts with this letter called yuzz. It's the letter I use to spell yuzz-a-ma-tuzz. You'll be sort of surprised what there is to be found once you go beyond 'Z' and start poking around!
 ~funny quotes sarcastic by Dr. Seuss

   Americans like fat books and thin women.
 ~saying about sarcastic by Russell Baker

   Satire is a sort of glass, wherein beholders do generally discover everybody's face but their own.
 ~quote about Curmudgeons by Jonathan Swift, The Battle of the Books, 1704

   Coexistence... what the farmer does with the turkey - until Thanksgiving.
 ~quotes on Vegetarianism by Mike Connolly

   It is often easier to become outraged by injustice half a world away than by oppression and discrimination half a block from home
 ~sayings on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day by Carl T. Rowan

   The easier it is to do, the harder it is to change.
 ~quotations on Habits by Eng's Principle

   The chicken came first - God would look silly sitting on an egg.
 ~funny quotes sarcastic by Author Unknown

   The end of childhood is when things cease to astonish us. When the world seems familiar, when one has got used to existence, one has become an adult.
 ~saying about sarcastic by Eugene Ionesco

   No one has ever loved anyone the way everyone wants to be loved.
 ~quote about Love by Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

   Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, How can he want me the way I look in the morning? It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.
 ~quotes on Men by Andy Rooney

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