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sarcastic quotes for your Self help needs

   Freedom is the oxygen of the soul
 ~quote about Independence Day by Moshe Dayan

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   The past actually happened but history is only what someone wrote down.
 ~quotes on History by A. Whitney Brown, The Big Picture

   Who can hope to be safe? who sufficiently cautious? Guard himself as he may, every moment's an ambush.
 ~sayings on Safety by Horace

   Expect an early death - it will keep you busier.
 ~quotations on Carpe Diem by Martin H. Fischer

   First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down.
 ~funny quotes sarcastic by Leo Rosenberg

   Can we actually know the universe? My God, it's hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown.
 ~saying about sarcastic by Woody Allen, Getting Even, 1971

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   If dandelions were hard to grow, they would be most welcome on any lawn.
 ~quote about Flowers by Andrew Mason

   You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
 ~quotes on Pregnancy by Dave Barry, Things That It Took Me 50 Years to Learn

   Are you bored with life? Then throw yourself into some work you believe in with all your heart, live for it, die for it, and you will find happiness that you had thought could never be yours.
 ~sayings on Happiness by Dale Carnegie

   Why don't you slip out of those wet clothes and into a dry Martini?
 ~quotations on Alcohol by Robert Benchley

   Life is its own journey, presupposes its own change and movement, and one tries to arrest them at one's eternal peril.
 ~funny quotes sarcastic by Laurens van der Post

   Good judgment comes from experience, and often experience comes from bad judgment.
 ~saying about sarcastic by Rita Mae Brown

   At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet
 ~quote about Valentine's Day by Plato

   Euphemisms are unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne.
 ~quotes on Language by Quentin Crisp

    Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
 ~sayings on Attitude by The Reverend Jesse Jackson

   Individual commitment to a group effort -- that is what makes a team work a company work, a society work, a civilization work
 ~quotations on Football by Vince Lombardi

   No one person can possibly combine all the elements supposed to make up what everyone means by friendship
 ~funny quotes sarcastic by Francis Marion Crawford

   When we lose one we love, our bitterest tears are called forth by the memory of hours when we loved not enough.
 ~saying about sarcastic by Maurice Maeterlinck, Wisdom and Destiny, 1901, translated by Alfred Sutro

   A gentleman is simply a patient wolf.
 ~quote about Men by Lana Turner

   Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
 ~quotes on Belief by Seneca

   No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
 ~sayings on Attitude by Anna Eleanor Roosevelt

   But the freedom that they fought for, and the country grand they wrought for,Is their monument to-day, and for aye.
 ~quotations on Memorial Day by Thomas Dunn English

   There are natures that go to the streams of life in great cities as the hart goes to the water brooks.
 ~funny quotes sarcastic by Philip G. Hamerton

   The moment a man claims a right to control the will of a fellow being by physical force, he is at heart a slaveholder.
 ~saying about sarcastic by Henry C. Wright, The Liberator, 7 April 1837

   Your life is something opaque, not transparent, as long as you look at it in an ordinary human way. But if you hold it up against the light of God's goodness, it shines and turns transparent, radiant and bright. And then you ask yourself in amazement: Is this really my own life I see before me?
 ~quote about Light by Albert Schweitzer

   I thought lacrosse was what you find in la church.
 ~quotes on Sports by Robin Williams, 1982

   Tomorrow is no place to place your better days.
 ~sayings on Living by Dave Matthews

   Those who deny freedom to others, deserve it not for themselves; and, under a just God, can not long retain it.
 ~quotations on Attitude by Abraham Lincoln

   One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
 ~funny quotes sarcastic by Mark Twain

   If man hasn't discovered something that he will die for, he isn't fit to live
 ~saying about sarcastic by Martin Luther King Jr.

   Those who have compared our life to a dream were right.... We sleeping wake, and waking sleep.
 ~quote about Dreams by Michel de Montaigne, Essays, 1580

   Fans never fall asleep at our games, because they're afraid they might get hit by a pass.
 ~quotes on Basketball by George Raveling

   Human beings, vegetables, or cosmic dust - we all dance to a mysterious tune, intoned in the distance by an invisible piper.
 ~sayings on Miscellaneous by Albert Einstein, in The Saturday Evening Post, 26 October 1929

   Never make your home in a place. Make a home for yourself inside your own head. You'll find what you need to furnish it - memory, friends you can trust, love of learning, and other such things. That way it will go with you wherever you journey.
 ~quotations on Wise Words by Tad Williams

   Consider what you think justice requires, and decide accordingly. But never give your reasons; for your judgment will probably be right, but your reasons will certainly be wrong.
 ~funny quotes sarcastic by Lord Mansfield

   If you call a thing bad you do little, if you call a thing good you do much.
 ~saying about sarcastic by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

   Die, v.: To stop sinning suddenly.
 ~quote about Death by Elbert Hubbard

   He that will have a perfect brother must resign himself to remain brotherless.
 ~quotes on Perfection by Italian Proverb

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