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sarcastic quotes for your Self help needs

   A boy becomes an adult three years before his parents think he does, and about two years after he thinks he does.
 ~quote about Teenagers by Lewis B. Hershey, News summaries, 31 December 1951

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   There is a sort of man who pays no attention to his good actions, but is tormented by his bad ones. This is the type that most often writes about himself.
 ~quotes on Miscellaneous by W. Somerset Maugham, The Summing Up, 1938

   If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such and such.
 ~sayings on Sports by Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

   War! that mad game the world so loves to play.
 ~quotations on War by Jonathan Swift

   It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.
 ~funny quotes sarcastic by P.G. Wodehouse, The Man Upstairs

   Posterity is the patriotic name for grandchildren.
 ~saying about sarcastic by Art Linkletter

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   Many people believe that they are attracted by God, or by Nature, when they are only repelled by man.
 ~quote about Humankind by William Ralph Inge

   I find television to be very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go in the other room and read a book.
 ~quotes on Television by Groucho Marx

   A good friend is cheaper than therapy.
 ~sayings on Friendship by Author Unknown

   Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.
 ~quotations on Inner Child by Pablo Picasso

   Man will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest.
 ~funny quotes sarcastic by Denis Diderot

   The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
 ~saying about sarcastic by George Bernard Shaw

   It's designed to break your heart. The game begins in the spring, when everything is new again, and it blossoms in the summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains comes, it stops, and leaves you to face the fall alone
 ~quote about Baseball by Bartlett Giamatti

   It is striking how history, when resting on the memory of men, always touches the bounds of mythology.
 ~quotes on History by Leopold von Ranke, History of the Popes

   The best way to succeed in life is to act on the advice we give to others.
 ~sayings on Hypocrisy by Author Unknown

   Don't let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.
 ~quotations on Helping by John Wooden

   Things alter for the worse spontaneously, if they be not altered for the better designedly.
 ~funny quotes sarcastic by Francis Bacon

   Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.
 ~saying about sarcastic by Author Unknown

   Never have children, only grandchildren.
 ~quote about Grandparents by Gore Vidal

   By the time a son realizes his father usually right, he has a son who thinks his father is usually wrong.
 ~quotes on Family by

   Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.
 ~sayings on Fate by Kin Hubbard

   Sickness is the vengeance of nature for the violation of her laws.
 ~quotations on Health by Charles Simmons

   The problem with marriage is that it ends every night after making love, and it must be rebuilt every morning before breakfast.
 ~funny quotes sarcastic by Gabriel García Márquez

   The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
 ~saying about sarcastic by e.e. cummings

   The era of true peace on earth will not come as long as a tremendous percentage of your taxes goes to educate men in the trades of slaughter.
 ~quote about War by Reginald Wright Kauffman

   If you doubt yourself, then indeed you stand on shaky ground.
 ~quotes on Confidence by Henrik Ibsen

   America is a mistake, a giant mistake.
 ~sayings on America by Sigmund Freud

   There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators.
 ~quotations on Politics by Will Rogers

   The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing
 ~funny quotes sarcastic by Phyllis Diller

   I never did, or countenanced, in public life, a single act inconsistent with the strictest good faith; having never believed there was one code of morality for a public, and another for a private man.
 ~saying about sarcastic by Thomas Jefferson, 1809

   It takes about ten years to get used to how old you are.
 ~quote about Age by Quoted by Raymond A. Michel in The Leaf

   In God we trust; all others must pay cash.
 ~quotes on Debt by American Saying

   The lover is a monotheist who knows that other people worship different gods but cannot himself imagine that there could be other gods.
 ~sayings on Love by Theodor Reik, Of Love and Lust, 1957

   Love withers under constraints: its very essence is liberty: it is compatible neither with obedience, jealousy, nor fear: it is there most pure, perfect, and unlimited where its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve.
 ~quotations on Love by Percy Bysshe Shelley, Queen Mab notes

   It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge
 ~funny quotes sarcastic by Phyllis Diller

   It is impossible to discourage the real writers - they don't give a damn what you say, they're going to write.
 ~saying about sarcastic by Sinclair Lewis

   How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.
 ~quote about Carpe Diem by Annie Dillard, The Writing Life

   I don't know much about history, and I wouldn't give a nickel for all the history in the world. History is more or less bunk. It is a tradition. We want to live in the present, and the only history that is worth a tinker's damn is the history we make today.
 ~quotes on History by Henry Ford

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