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sarcastic quotes for your Self help needs

   When the fight begins within himself, a man's worth something.
 ~quote about Self by Robert Browning, Bishop Blougram's Apology

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   Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand
 ~quotes on Love by Margery Williams The Velveteen Rabbit

   He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp posts - for support rather than for illumination.
 ~sayings on Statistics by Andrew Lang

   I always fear that creation will expire before teatime.
 ~quotations on Tea by Sydney Smith

   With ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance, all things are attainable.
 ~funny quotes sarcastic by Thomas Foxwell Buxton

   Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
 ~saying about sarcastic by Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911

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   Middle age is when your classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald they don't recognize you
 ~quote about Age by Bennett Cerf

   This nation will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave.
 ~quotes on America by Elmer Davis

   Instead of counting your days, make your days count.
 ~sayings on Helping by Author Unknown

   Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance.
 ~quotations on Walking by Author Unknown

   Child rearing myth #1: Labor ends when the baby is born
 ~funny quotes sarcastic by Unknown

   To the psychotherapist an old man who cannot bid farewell to life appears as feeble and sickly as a young man who is unable to embrace it.
 ~saying about sarcastic by C.G. Jung

   To love someone is to see a miracle invisible to others
 ~quote about Love Quotes by Francois Mauriac

   Knowledge rests not upon truth alone, but upon error also.
 ~quotes on Knowledge by Carl G. Jung

   Words signify man's refusal to accept the world as it is.
 ~sayings on Language by Walter Kaufmann

   It's just life... wake up and smell the thorns.
 ~quotations on Curmudgeons by From the movie Meet Joe Black

   It is impossible to imagine the universe run by a wise, just and omnipotent God, but it is quite easy to imagine it run by a board of gods.
 ~funny quotes sarcastic by H.L. Mencken

   Sports are too much with us. Late and soon, sitting and watching - mostly watching on television - we lay waste our powers of identification and enthusiasm and, in time, attention as more and more closing rallies and crucial putts and late field goals and final playoffs and sudden deaths and world records and world championships unreel themselves ceaselessly before our half-lidded eyes.
 ~saying about sarcastic by Roger Angell

   Chili represents your three stages of matter: solid, liquid, and eventually gas.
 ~quote about Food by Roseanne, Don't Make Me Over, May 1992, spoken by character Dan Conner

   Leadership is action, not position
 ~quotes on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day by Donald H. McGannon

   If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?
 ~sayings on Telephones by Stephen Levine

   Everything great in the world is done by neurotics; they alone founded our religions and created our masterpieces.
 ~quotations on Sanity by Marcel Proust

   Except during the nine months before he draws his first breath, no man manages his affairs as well as a tree does
 ~funny quotes sarcastic by George Bernard Shaw, Maxims for Revolutionists, 1903

   Free love? as if love is anything but free. Man has bought brains, but all the millions in the world have failed to buy love.
 ~saying about sarcastic by Emma Goldman, Marriage and Love

   The finest thing in the world is knowing how to belong to oneself.
 ~quote about Self by Michel de Montaigne, Of Solitude

   Like a plant that starts up in showers and sunshine and does not know which has best helped it to grow, it is difficult to say whether the hard things or the pleasant things did me the most good.
 ~quotes on Adversity by Lucy Larcom

   I have often noticed that when chickens quit quarreling over their food they often find that there is enough for all of them. I wonder if it might not be the same with the human race.
 ~sayings on Brotherhood Unity by Don Marquis

   The majority of the Negroes who took part in the year-long boycott of Montgomery's buses were poor and untutored; but they understood the essence of the Montgomery movement; one elderly woman summed it up for the restWhen asked after several weeks of walk
 ~quotations on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day by Martin Luther King, Jr., Stride Toward Freedom: The Montgomery Story, 1958

   Ideally, couples need three lives; one for him, one for her, and one for them together
 ~funny quotes sarcastic by Jacqueline Bisset

   Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
 ~saying about sarcastic by Groucho Marx

   Without art, the crudeness of reality would make the world unbearable.
 ~quote about Art by George Bernard Shaw

   Support your right to arm bears.
 ~quotes on Animal Rights by Cleveland Amory (Thank you, Leslie.)

   Love one another and you will be happyIt's as simple and as difficult as that
 ~sayings on Commitment Ceremonies by Michael Leunig

   [Psychoanalysis] is not the only way to resolve inner conflicts. Life itself still remains a very effective therapist.
 ~quotations on Life by Karen Horney, Our Inner Conflicts, 1945

   Consider how much more you often suffer from your anger and grief, than from those very things for which you are angry and grieved.
 ~funny quotes sarcastic by Marcus Antonius

   If I don't write to empty my mind, I go mad.
 ~saying about sarcastic by Lord Byron

   Philosophy triumphs easily over past evils and future evils; but present evils triumph over it.
 ~quote about Philosophy by La Rochefoucauld, Maxims, 1678

   An Atheist loves himself and his fellow man instead of a god. An Atheist knows that heaven is something for which we should work now - here on earth - for all men together to enjoy. An Atheist thinks that he can get no help through prayer but that he must find in himself the inner conviction and strength to meet life, to grapple with it, to subdue, and enjoy it. An Atheist thinks that only in a knowledge of himself and a knowledge of his fellow man can he find the understanding that will help to a life of fulfillment. Therefore, he seeks to know himself and his fellow man rather than to know a god. An Atheist knows that a hospital should be built instead of a church. An Atheist knows that a deed must be done instead of a prayer said. An Atheist strives for involvement in life and not escape into death. He wants disease conquered, poverty vanquished, war eliminated. He wants man to understand and love man. He wants an ethical way of life. He knows that we cannot rely on a god nor channel action into prayer nor hope for an end to troubles in the hereafter. He knows that we are our brother's keeper and keepers of our lives; that we are responsible persons, that the job is here and the time is now.
 ~quotes on Religion by Madalyn Murray (later O'Hair), preamble to Murray v. Curlett, 27 April 1961

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