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sarcastic quotes for your Self help needs

   Heredity is what sets the parents of a teenager wondering about each other.
 ~quote about Teenagers by Laurence J. Peter

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   Cycle tracks will abound in Utopia.
 ~quotes on Bicycling by H.G. Wells

   Love is the self-delusion we manufacture to justify the trouble we take to have sex.
 ~sayings on Love by Dan Greenburg

   A sunbeam to warm you,A moonbeam to charm you,A sheltering angel, so nothing can harm you.
 ~quotations on Blessings by Irish Blessing

   If by gaining knowledge we destroy our health, we labour for a thing that will be useless in our hands.
 ~funny quotes sarcastic by John Locke

   I never knew whether to pity or congratulate a man on coming to his senses.
 ~saying about sarcastic by William Makepeace Thackeray

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   You know, sometimes a man just can't satisfy all of a woman's desires. Which is why God invented dental floss.
 ~quote about Dental by Author Unknown

   Patriotism is the willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons.
 ~quotes on Patriotism by Bertrand Russell

   One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men. No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man.
 ~sayings on Technology by Elbert Hubbard, The Roycroft Dictionary and Book of Epigrams, 1923

   The poor are poor because the rich are rich.
 ~quotations on Poverty by Author Unknown

   No government has the right to tell its citizens when or whom to love. The only queer people are those who don't love anybody.
 ~funny quotes sarcastic by Rita Mae Brown, speech, 28 August 1982

   Men will always delight in a woman whose voice is lined with velvet.
 ~saying about sarcastic by Brendan Francis

   Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
 ~quote about Smoking by Author Unknown

   Real golfers, no matter what the provocation, never strike a caddie with the driver. The sand wedge is far more effective.
 ~quotes on Golf by Huxtable Pippey

   Why do we kill people who are killing people to show that killing people is wrong
 ~sayings on Death by Holly Near

   For the night shows stars and women in a better light.
 ~quotations on Night by Lord Byron, Don Juan

   We rarely repent of having eaten too little.
 ~funny quotes sarcastic by Thomas Jefferson

   Never talk about your own virtues or others’ faults.
 ~saying about sarcastic by

   There are chapters in every life which are seldom read and certainly not aloud.
 ~quote about Self-Discovery by Carol Shields

   The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and for deeds left undone
 ~quotes on I'm Sorry by Harriet Beecher Stowe, Little Foxes, 1865

   Save money regularly. If you’re average, you’ll have some excuse for postponing until you earn more. That’s why you’re average. And you’ll stay average until you start saving, NO MATTER HOW LITTLE YOU EARN.
 ~sayings on Goals by

   Ability is of little account without opportunity.
 ~quotations on Opportunities by Napoleon

   Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.
 ~funny quotes sarcastic by Rita Rudner

   Just about a month from now I'm set adrift, with a diploma for a sail and lots of nerve for oars
 ~saying about sarcastic by Richard Halliburton

   It is sweet to serve one's country by deeds, and it is not absurd to serve her by words
 ~quote about Patriotic by Sallust

   The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs.
 ~quotes on Religion by Bill Maher

   There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all.
 ~sayings on Goals by Peter Drucker

   Each memorable verse of a true poet has two or three times the written content.
 ~quotations on Poetry by Alfred de Musset, Le Poète déchu, 1839

   No human thing is of serious importance.
 ~funny quotes sarcastic by Plato, The Republic

   Our language is funny - a fat chance and slim chance are the same thing.
 ~saying about sarcastic by J. Gustav White

   To get something done a committee should consist of no more than three people, two of whom are absent.
 ~quote about Meetings by Robert Copeland

   Take from the altars of the past the fire - not the ashes.
 ~quotes on History by Jean Jaures

   There is only one way in which a person acquires a new idea: by the combination or association of two or more ideas he already has into a new juxtaposition in such a manner as to discover a relationship among them of which he was not previously aware.
 ~sayings on Ideas by Francis A. Cartier

   Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
 ~quotations on Funny Saying by John Mendosa

   Tell him I've been too fucking busy - or vice versa.
 ~funny quotes sarcastic by Dorothy Parker

   Nunca pierdas la oportunidad de callarte la boca.
 ~saying about sarcastic by Isabel Allende, La Ciudad de las Bestias, 2002 (Gracias, Maria.)

   In order to become good in anything, the only talent you need is motivation.
 ~quote about Success by Nisandeh Neta

   A love that lasts for twenty years may be better than love, but it isn't love.
 ~quotes on Marriage by Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

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