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sarcastic quotes for your Self help needs

   Science is a wonderful thing if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
 ~quote about Science by Albert Einstein

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   I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.
 ~quotes on Famous Saying by Mark Twain

   Although there are many trial marriages... there is no such thing as a trial child.
 ~sayings on Parenting by Gail Sheehy

   Good company upon the road is the shortest cut.
 ~quotations on Relationships by Author Unknown

   Unselfish and noble actions are the most radiant pages in the biography of souls
 ~funny quotes sarcastic by David Thomas

   The animal shall not be measured by man. In a world older and more complete than ours, they move finished and complete, gifted with extension of the senses we have lost or never attained, living by voices we shall never hear. They are not brethren; they are not underlings; they are other nations, caught with ourselves in the net of life and time, fellow prisoners of the splendor and travail of the earth.
 ~saying about sarcastic by Henry Beston, The Outermost House, 1928

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   The expression to write something down suggests a descent of thought to the fingers whose movements immediately falsify it.
 ~quote about Writing by William Gass, Habitations of the Word, Kenyon Review, October 1984

   We haven't come a long way, we've come a short way. If we hadn't come a short way, no one would be calling us baby.
 ~quotes on Feminism by Elizabeth Janeway

   Spring is nature's way of saying, "Let's party!"
 ~sayings on Groundhog Day by Robin Williams

   The trip across Arizona is just one oasis after another. You can just throw anything out and it will grow there, I like Arizona.
 ~quotations on Arizona by Will Rogers

   We give up leisure in order that we may have leisure, just as we go to war in order that we may have peace.
 ~funny quotes sarcastic by Aristotle

   If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.
 ~saying about sarcastic by Andy Rooney

   Goodness is the only investment that never fails.
 ~quote about Integrity by Henry David Thoreau

   Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
 ~quotes on Love by Robert Frost

   A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon.
 ~sayings on Women by Arnold Haultain

   If you don't know there's a trampoline in the room, you're not going to dust the ceiling for prints.
 ~quotations on Justice by From the television show Law & Order

   There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.
 ~funny quotes sarcastic by Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

   Of course I'm ambitious. What's wrong with that? Otherwise you sleep all day.
 ~saying about sarcastic by Ringo Starr

   When cerebral processes enter into sports, you start screwing up. It's like the Constitution, which says separate church and state. You have to separate mind and body.
 ~quote about Sports by Bill Lee

   Follow Me Im A Bad Influence
 ~quotes on Attitude by

   Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
 ~sayings on Women by W.C. Fields

   Each cup of tea represents an imaginary voyage.
 ~quotations on Tea by Catherine Douzel

   The question is this: Is man an ape or an angel? I am on the side of the angels.
 ~funny quotes sarcastic by Benjamin Disraeli

   We have enjoyed so much freedom for so long that we are perhaps in danger of forgetting how much blood it cost to establish the Bill of Rights
 ~saying about sarcastic by Felix Frankfurter

   Jesus saves! The rest of us better make backups.
 ~quote about Computers by Author Unknown

   No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says: He is always convinced that it says what he means.
 ~quotes on Religion by George Bernard Shaw

   A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween
 ~sayings on Halloween by Erma Bombeck

   If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
 ~quotations on Politics by Jay Leno

   Call people back immediately. One of the biggest challenges most salespeople have is that they don't want to pick up messages and call people back. Return calls now. It's the only way you can build up a solid clientele.
 ~funny quotes sarcastic by Tom Hopkins

   I can't tell you if genius is hereditary, because heaven has granted me no offspring.
 ~saying about sarcastic by James McNeill Whistler

   How seldom we weigh our neighbors in the same balance as ourselves.
 ~quote about Hypocrisy by Thomas Kempis

   [Poker] exemplifies the worst aspects of capitalism that have made our country so great.
 ~quotes on Poker by Walter Matthau

   Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
 ~sayings on Speaking by Wendell Johnson

   No one has ever had an idea in a dress suit.
 ~quotations on Clothing by Frederick G. Banting

   What's another word for thesaurus?
 ~funny quotes sarcastic by Steven Wright.

   The story of Harold Ross, the New Yorker and me is a mere footnote to the story of our time, and we might as well face the truth that to researchers of the future, poking about among the ruins of time, we shall all be tiny glitters. But then, so are diamonds.
 ~saying about sarcastic by James Thurber

   We have really everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language.
 ~quote about Humor by Oscar Wilde

   It must be hard to be a model, because you'd want to be like the photograph of you, and you can't ever look that way.
 ~quotes on Reality by Andy Warhol

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