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Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Sayings By : Bob Hope
      A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Sayings By : Dick Cavett
      If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either.

Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Sayings By : Dave Barry
      You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Sayings By : Rodney Dangerfield
      I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
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Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Sayings By : Gallagher
      Don't you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked 'Brightness', but it doesn't work.

Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Sayings By : Mel Brooks
      If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Sayings By : Mel Brooks
      Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Sayings By : Mel Brooks
      I'm a man of the world, Andy. Why, I've even been to Raleigh!

Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Sayings By : Mel Brooks
      Deputy Barney Fife (Don Knotts on the Andy Griffith Show)

Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Sayings By : David Brenner
      A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children.

Type: Attitude   Quotes By: Chelsea
      Somewhere, everytime of the day, there will be someone doing a random act of kindness. The Dhali Lhama said, "My religion is very simple. My religion in kindness." I try to be as kind as I can. Everyday, it doesn't matter who it is or who they are, they are worth it. I live by that.

Type: Attitude   Quotes By: Arthur Ashe
      If I were to say, ''God, why me?'' about the bad things, then I should have said, ''God, why me?'' about the good things that happened in my life.

Type: Baseball   Quotes By: Lew Burdette
      They were starting to hit the dry side of the ball

Type: Baseball   Quotes By: Leo Durocher
      If I were playing third base and my mother were rounding third with the run that was going to beat us, I'd trip her. Oh, I'd pick her up and brush her off and say, 'Sorry Mom, but nobody beats me

Type: Funny Quotes   Quotes By: Sam Levenson
      Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.

Type: Sympathy   Quotes By: T. Sachs
      Love here on earth,Love beyond the grave,There are no roads,My love for you can't pave.

Type: Celebrity   Quotes By: Cindy Crawford
      They were doing a full back shot of me in a swimsuit and I thought, Oh my God, I have to be so brave. See, every woman hates herself from behind

Type: Education   Quotes By: Dorothy De Zouche
      If I were asked to enumerate ten educational stupidities, the giving of grades would head the list... If I can't give a child a better reason for studying than a grade on a report card, I ought to lock my desk and go home and stay there

Type: Proverbs   Quotes By: 
      A proverb is shorts sentence with long experience.

Type: Friendship   Quotes By: 
      Be tolerant. Everybody is fighting a tough battle, just like you.

Type: Attitude   Quotes By: Plutarch
      Perseverance is more Prevailing than violence and many things which cannot be overcome when they are together yield themselves up when taken little by little.

Type: Women's Greetings   Quotes By: Author Unknown
      The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think

Type: Wealth   Quotes By: 
      The average person could increase his income 20% by increasing his thinking 1%. One percent of your day is 14 minutes. Is that too much time to spend to increase your income 20%? Every day asks yourself: what one thing can I do today to increase my income? Asking yourself a question impels you to think to find the answer.

Type: Party Invitations   Quotes By: 
      Remember: "I" before "E," except in Budweiser.
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