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Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Sayings By : Jack Benny
      I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Sayings By : Gracie Allen
      When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.

Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Sayings By : George Burns
      Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.

Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Sayings By : Bob Hope
      A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
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Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Sayings By : Dick Cavett
      If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either.

Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Sayings By : Dave Barry
      You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Sayings By : Rodney Dangerfield
      I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Sayings By : Gallagher
      Don't you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked 'Brightness', but it doesn't work.

Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Sayings By : Mel Brooks
      If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Sayings By : Mel Brooks
      Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

Type: Cute   Quotes By: Arnold Glasow
      Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects

Type: Mothers Day   Quotes By: Tenneva Jordan
      A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie

Type: Famous Saying   Quotes By: Mark Twain
      A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

Type: Cute   Quotes By: Jack Handey
      Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny

Type: Happiness   Quotes By: Dale Carnegie
      Remember happiness doesn't depend upon who you are or what you have; it depends solely on what you think.

Type: Growth   Quotes By: 
      We never grow old. We get old when we stop growing. Keeping useful keeps us youthful.

Type: Thanksgiving Day   Quotes By: Henry Ward Beecher
      Remember God's bounty in the yearString the pearls of His favorHide the dark parts, except so far as they are breaking out in light! Give this one day to thanks, to joy, to gratitude!

Type: Fathers Day   Quotes By: Author Unknown
      A father carries pictures where his money used to be

Type: Grandparents Day   Quotes By: Lois Wyse
      A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do

Type: Business   Quotes By: Thomas J. Watson Jr
      Whenever an individual or a business decides that success has been attained, progress stops

Type: Patriot Day   Quotes By: Albert Schweitzer
      Wherever a man turns he can find someone who needs him

Type: Charity   Quotes By: Johann Wolfgang
      Nine requisites for contented living: Health enough to make work a pleasure. Wealth enough to support your needs. Strength to battle with difficulties and overcome them. Grace enough to confess your sins and forsake them. Patience enough to toil until some good is accomplished. Charity enough to see some good in your neighbor. Love enough to move you to be useful and helpful to others. Faith enough to make real the things of God. Hope enough to remove all anxious fears concerning the future

Type: Personality   Quotes By: 
      To accept a favor is to confer one. To refuse one is an insult. The open hand becomes the closed fist.

Type: Living   Quotes By: 
      The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.
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