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Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Sayings By : Jack Benny
      I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Sayings By : Gracie Allen
      When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.

Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Sayings By : George Burns
      Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.

Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Sayings By : Bob Hope
      A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

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Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Sayings By : Dick Cavett
      If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either.

Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Sayings By : Dave Barry
      You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Sayings By : Rodney Dangerfield
      I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Sayings By : Gallagher
      Don't you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked 'Brightness', but it doesn't work.

Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Sayings By : Mel Brooks
      If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

Quote Type : Funny Quotes   Funny Sayings By : Mel Brooks
      Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

Type: Sweetest Day   Quotes By: Og Mandino
      Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnightExtend to them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any rewardYour life will never be the same again

Type: Funny Quotes   Quotes By: Oscar Levant
      I'm going to memorize your name and throw my head away.

Type: Thank You.   Quotes By: William Feather
      Something that has always puzzled me all my life is why, when I am in special need of help, the good deed is usually done by somebody on whom I have no claim

Type: Attitude   Quotes By: 
      Forgiving saves the high cost of anger and the higher cost of hating.

Type: Money   Quotes By: Cal Thomas
      Squeezing our money out of politicians is more difficult than squeezing blood from a turnip. To paraphrase an Oscar Hammerstein love song, once they have found a way to take our money, they never let it go

Type: April Fool's Day   Quotes By: Jack Handey
      One thing kids like is to be trickedFor instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse"Oh, no," I said"Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thoug

Type: Money   Quotes By: Warren Buffet
      Investing is simple, but not easy

Type: Adversity   Quotes By: Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin
      Suffering is above, not belowAnd everyone thinks that suffering is belowAnd everyone wants to rise

Type: Attitude   Quotes By: 
      A burning desire is the greatest of all motivators and stimulators.

Type: Election Day   Quotes By: Emma Goldman
      If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal

Type: Anniversaries   Quotes By: Paul Sweeney
      A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacityThe order varies for any given year

Type: Success   Quotes By: Frank Loyd Wright
      The thing always happens that you really believe in; and the belief in a thing makes it happen.


Type: Business   Quotes By: Ray Kroc
      In business for yourself, not by yourself.

Type: Columbus Day   Quotes By: Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
      Aborigines, n.: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered countryThey soon cease to cumber; they fertilize

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