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funny sayings for your Self help needs

   The remarkable thing about Shakespeare is that he really is very good, in spite of all the people who say he is very good.
 ~quote about Humorous by Robert Graves

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   I'm allergic to food. Every time I eat it breaks out into fat.
 ~quotes on Dieting by Jennifer Greene Duncan

   I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren't any rules, how could you break them?
 ~sayings on Miscellaneous by Leo Durocher

   Life begins at retirement
 ~quotations on Retirement by Author Unknown

   Love puts the fun in together, the sad in apart, and the joy in a heart.
 ~funny sayings quote by Author Unknown

   Sticks in a bundle are unbreakable
 ~saying about funny by Kenyan Proverb

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   Every day you guys look worse and worse. And today you played like tomorrow.
 ~quote about Sports by John Mariucci

   To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
 ~quotes on Education by A.A. Milne

   A ballplayer spends a good piece of his life gripping a baseball, and in the end it turns out that it was the other way around all the time
 ~sayings on Baseball by Jim Bouton

   The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said.
 ~quotations on Listening by Peter F. Drucker

   Man is the only animal that deals in that atrocity of atrocities, War. He is the only one that gathers his brethren about him and goes forth in cold blood and calm pulse to exterminate his kind. He is the only animal that for sordid wages will march out... and help to slaughter strangers of his own species who have done him no harm and with whom he has no quarrel.... And in the intervals between campaigns he washes the blood off his hands and works for the universal brotherhood of man - with his mouth.
 ~funny sayings quote by Mark Twain

   Your body is built for walking.
 ~saying about funny by Gary Yanker

   The great secret of success is to go through life as a man who never gets used up.
 ~quote about Wise Words by Albert Schweitzer

   Great things are done when men and mountains meet. This is not done by jostling in the street.
 ~quotes on Nature by William Blake

   The whole secret of existence is to have no fear. Never fear what will become of you, depend on no one. Only the moment you reject all help are you freed.
 ~sayings on Happiness by Buddha

   Our modern industrial economy takes a mountain covered with trees, lakes, running streams and transforms it into a mountain of junk, garbage, slime pits, and debris.
 ~quotations on Environment by Edward Abbey

   There are no seven wonders of the world in the eyes of a child. There are seven million.
 ~funny sayings quote by Walt Streightiff

   Most people who possess anything like an acre, or half of it, contribute weekly to the support of a gentleman known as Jobbing Gardener. You are warned of the danger that he may prove to be Garden Pest no 1.
 ~saying about funny by C.E. Lucas-Phillips, The New Small Garden

   The footprint of the owner is the best manure.
 ~quote about Effort by English Proverb

   The best and most efficient pharmacy is within your own system.
 ~quotes on Body by Robert C. Peale

   The only thing that overcomes hard luck is hard work
 ~sayings on Adversity by Harry Golden

   We are happy when for everything inside us there is a corresponding something outside us.
 ~quotations on Self by W.B. Yeats

   Ladies, here's a hint. If you're up against a girl with big boobs, bring her to the net and make her hit backhand volleys. That's the hardest shot for the well-endowed.
 ~funny sayings quote by Billie Jean King

   Empty pockets never held anyone back. Only empty heads and empty hearts can do that.
 ~saying about funny by Norman Vincent Peale

   The best time for planning a book is while you're doing the dishes.
 ~quote about Housework by Agatha Christie

   It is not the employer who pays the wages. He only handles the money. It is the product that pays the wages.
 ~quotes on Business by Henry Ford, 1922, also sometimes quoted as It is the customer that pays the wages

   You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you
 ~sayings on Adversity by Walt Disney

   A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.
 ~quotations on College by Theodore Roosevelt

   Men err when they think they can be inhuman exploiters in their business life, and loving husbands and fathers at home.
 ~funny sayings quote by Smiley Blanton

   If it sells, it's art.
 ~saying about funny by Frank Lloyd.

   The worst of a modern stylish mansion is that it has no place for ghosts.
 ~quote about Places by Oliver Wendell Holmes, The Poet at the Breakfast Table, 1872

   You put a baby in a crib with an apple and a rabbit. If it eats the rabbit and plays with the apple, I'll buy you a new car.
 ~quotes on Vegetarianism by Harvey Diamond

   There is still no cure for the common birthday
 ~sayings on Birthdays by John Glenn

   The number of shots taken by an opponent who is out of sight is equal to the square root of the sum of the number of curses heard plus the number of swishes.
 ~quotations on Golf by Michael Green, The Art of Coarse Golf, 1975

   The typical gambler might not really understand the probabilistic nuances of the wheel or the dice, but such things seem a bit more tractable than, say, trying to raise a child in this lunatic society of ours.
 ~funny sayings quote by Arthur S. Reber, The New Gambler's Bible

   I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
 ~saying about funny by Groucho Marx

   Salvador Dali seduced many ladies, particularly American ladies, but these seductions usually consisted of stripping them naked in his apartment, frying a couple of eggs, putting them on the woman's shoulders and, without a word, showing them the door.
 ~quote about Funny Saying by Luis Bunuel

   Some of us worship in churches, some in synagogues, some on golf courses.
 ~quotes on Golf by Adlai Stevenson

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