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witty quotes for your Self help needs

   I've reached the age where competence is a turn-on.
 ~quote about Women by Billy Joel
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   I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
 ~quotes on Anger by Author Unknown

   God understands our prayers even when we can't find the words to say them.
 ~sayings on God by Author Unknown

   Dare to live the life you have dreamed for yourself. Go forward and make your dreams come true
 ~quotations on Dreams by Ralph Waldo Emerson

   Jealousy is no more than feeling alone against smiling enemies.
 ~funny witty quote by Elizabeth Bowen

   How can you put on a meaningful drama when, every fifteen minutes, proceedings are interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits with toilet paper?
 ~saying about witty by Rod Serling, quoted in Submitted for Your Approval, Public Broadcasting Station, 1995
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   If the Stars should appear one night in a thousand years, how would men believe and adore; and preserve for many generations the remembrance of the city of God which had been shown! But every night come out these envoys of beauty, and light the universe with their admonishing smile.
 ~quote about Night by Ralph Waldo Emerson

   The tyrant dies and his rule ends, the martyr dies and his rule begins.
 ~quotes on Perspective by Soren Kierkegaard

   Every happening, great and small, is a parable whereby God speaks to us, and the art of life is to get the message.
 ~sayings on God by Malcolm Muggeridge

   Every one of us has in him a continent of undiscovered character. Blessed is he who acts the Columbus to his own soul.
 ~quotations on Self-Discovery by Author Unknown

   Great experience are even better when they are share!
 ~funny witty quote by Calvin

   Are you not ashamed of heaping up the greatest amount of money and honour and reputation, and caring so little about wisdom and truth and the greatest improvement of the soul?
 ~saying about witty by Socrates

   Every hitter likes fastballs, just like everybody likes ice cream. But you don't like it when someone's stuffing it into you by the gallon. That's what it feels like when Nolan Ryan's thrown balls by you.
 ~quote about Baseball by Reggie Jackson

   I know many married men, I even know a few happily married men, but I don't know one who wouldn't fall down the first open coal hole running after the first pretty girl who gave him a wink.
 ~quotes on Men by George Jean Nathan

   The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.
 ~sayings on Gambling by Damon Runyon, More Than Somewhat, in reference to Ecclesiastes 9:11, I returned, and saw under the s

   A gold medal is a nice thing - but if you're not enough without it, you'll never be enough with it.
 ~quotations on Confidence by From Cool Runnings

   If Jesus Christ were to come today people would not even crucify him. They would ask him to dinner, and hear what he has to say, and make fun of it.
 ~funny witty quote by Thomas Carlyle

   There is a great man who makes every man feel small. But the real great man is the man who makes every man feel great.
 ~saying about witty by G.K. Chesterton

   The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes
 ~quote about Columbus Day by Marcel Proust

   You can't give a hug without getting a hug.
 ~quotes on Hugs by Author Unknown

   Instruction in sex is as important as instruction in food; yet not only are our adolescents not taught the physiology of sex, but never warned that the strongest sexual attraction may exist between persons so incompatible in tastes and capacities that they could not endure living together for a week much less a lifetime.
 ~sayings on Sex by George Bernard Shaw, Everybody's Political What's What, 1944

   The secret of dealing successfully with a child is not to be its parent.
 ~quotations on Parenting by Mell Lazarus

   Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
 ~funny witty quote by Author Unknown

   To learn about eye protection, ask someone who has one.
 ~saying about witty by Author Unknown

   Tea...is a religion of the art of life.
 ~quote about Tea by Okakura

   Will... the threat of common extermination continue?... Must children receive the arms race from us as a necessary inheritance?
 ~quotes on War by Pope John Paul II, speech at the UN, 1979

   Water which is too pure has no fish.
 ~sayings on Virtue by Ts'ai Ken T'an

   Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative.
 ~quotations on Age by Maurice Chevalier, New York Times, 9 October 1960

   Luck: when your burst of energy doesn't run afoul of someone else's.
 ~funny witty quote by Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

   History is apt to judge harshly those who sacrifice tomorrow for today.
 ~saying about witty by Harold MacMillan

   The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
 ~quote about Running by Erma Bombeck

   Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise. Seek what they sought.
 ~quotes on Philosophical by Matsuo Basho

   To win, you've got to put the ball in the macramé.
 ~sayings on Basketball by Terry McGuire

   Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it.
 ~quotations on Happiness by Jacques Prévert

   One... gets an impression that civilization is something which was imposed on a resisting majority by a minority which understood how to obtain possession of the means to power and coercion. It is, of course, natural to assume that these difficulties are not inherent in the nature of civilization itself but are determined by the imperfections of the cultural forms which have so far been developed.
 ~funny witty quote by Sigmund Freud, The Future of an Illusion

   When red headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.
 ~saying about witty by Mark Twain, A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court

   No entertainment is so cheap as reading, nor any pleasure so lasting.
 ~quote about Books Reading by Mary Wortley Montagu

   As we struggle to make sense of things, life looks on in repose.
 ~quotes on Life by Author Unknown
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