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witty quotes for your Self help needs

   When I was 40, my doctor advised me that a man in his 40s shouldn't play tennis. I heeded his advice carefully and could hardly wait until I reached 50 to start again.
 ~quote about Tennis by Hugo L. Black
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   War is not an adventure. It is a disease. It is like typhus.
 ~quotes on War by Antoine de Saint-Exupery

   Why does a person even get up in the morning? You have breakfast, you floss your teeth so you'll have healthy gums in your old age, and then you get in your car and drive down I-10 and die. Life is so stupid I can't stand it.
 ~sayings on Life by Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams

   Short as life is, we make it shorter by wasting time.
 ~quotations on Living by

   If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be meetings.
 ~funny witty quotes by Dave Barry, Things That It Took Me 50 Years to Learn

   God is the perfect poet.
 ~saying about witty by Robert Browning
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   If fame were based on kindness instead of popularity, on understanding and not on worldwide attention, you would be the biggest celebrity on earth. And to my heart, you already are.
 ~quote about Relationships by Anonymous

   Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
 ~quotes on Age by Author Unknown

   If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.
 ~sayings on Attitude by Vince Lombardi

   Read, every day, something no one else is reading. Think, every day, something no one else is thinking. Do, every day, something no one else would be silly enough to do. It is bad for the mind to continually be part of unanimity.
 ~quotations on Conformity by Christopher Morley

   He that has energy enough to root out a vice should go further, and try to plant a virtue in its place.
 ~funny witty quotes by Charles Caleb Colton

   Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends
 ~saying about witty by Laurie Kuslansky

   Time is the fire in which we burn.
 ~quote about Time by Delmore Schwartz, Calmly We Walk Through This April's Day, 1937 (Thank you, George.)

   Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.
 ~quotes on Living by Ralph Waldo Emerson

   Just as pieces stitched together in a quilt warm our bodies, scrapbooks bind together memories to warm our hearts.
 ~sayings on Scrapbooking by Author Unknown

   Dictionaries are like watches; the worst is better than none, and the best cannot be expected to go quite true.
 ~quotations on Language by Samuel Johnson

   If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
 ~funny witty quotes by Mark Twain

   No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
 ~saying about witty by Dave Barry, Dave Barry Turns 50

   No question is so difficult to answer as that to which the answer is obvious.
 ~quote about Self-Discovery by George Bernard Shaw

   It is proof of high culture to say the greatest matters in the simplest way.
 ~quotes on Compassion by Emerson

   Things are not as bad as they seem. They are worse.
 ~sayings on Curmudgeons by Bill Press

   The Bible is literature, not dogma.
 ~quotations on Religion by George Santayana

   Personally, I would not give a fig for any man's religion whose horse, cat and dog do not feel its benefits. Life in any form is our perpetual responsibility.
 ~funny witty quotes by S. Parkes Cadman

   I'm struck by the insidious, computer-driven tendency to take things out of the domain of muscular activity and put them into the domain of mental activity. The transfer is not paying off. Sure, muscles are unreliable, but they represent several million years of accumulated finesse.
 ~saying about witty by Brian Eno, Wired, January 1999

   [L]aughter on one's lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life.
 ~quote about Laughter by Hugh Sidey

   A good teacher is like a candle - it consumes itself to light the way for others.
 ~quotes on Teachers by Author Unknown

   Bread of flour is good; but there is bread, sweet as honey, if we would eat it, in a good book.
 ~sayings on Books Reading by John Ruskin

   For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday
 ~quotations on Birthday Sayings by John Glenn

   Everyone who has run knows that its most important value is in removing tension and allowing a release from whatever other cares the day may bring.
 ~funny witty quotes by Jimmy Carter

   A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral
 ~saying about witty by Antoine De Saint

   [A mathematician is a] scientist who can figure out anything except such simple things as squaring the circle and trisecting an angle.
 ~quote about Math by Evan Esar, Esar's Comic Dictionary

   If you're yearning for the good old days, just turn off the air conditioning.
 ~quotes on Nostalgia by Griff Niblack

   If you don't have this freedom of the press, then all these little fellows are weaseling around and doing their monkey business and they never get caught.
 ~sayings on Censorship by Harold R. Medina

   Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams.
 ~quotations on Driving by Mary Ellen Kelly

   The winds that blow through the wide sky in these mounts, the winds that sweep from Canada to Mexico, from the Pacific to the Atlantic - have always blown on free men
 ~funny witty quotes by Franklin D. Roosevelt

   Science without conscience is the soul's perdition.
 ~saying about witty by François Rabelais, Pantagruel, 1572

   Failing to distinguish between needs and wants keeps many people poor. Think.
 ~quote about Financial by

   People are eternally divided into two classes, the believer, builder, and praiser, and the unbeliever, destroyer and critic.
 ~quotes on Self Discipline by John Ruskin
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