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humorous quotes for your Self help needs

   Diplomacy: The business of handling a porcupine without disturbing the quills.
 ~quote about Diplomacy by Author Unknown
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   A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
 ~quotes on Poetry by Paul Valéry

   When I grow up I want to be a little boy.
 ~sayings on Inner Child by Joseph Heller, Something Happened, 1974

   With wealth comes a reputation for wisdom, prudence, self-confidence, courage, greatness, and other unearned virtues.
 ~quotations on Personality by

   Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh
 ~humorous motivational quote by Unknown

   It is well-nigh obvious that those who are in favor of the death penalty have more affinities with murderers than those who oppose it.
 ~saying about humorous by Remy de Gourmont
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   Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use.
 ~quote about Perseverance by Earl Nightingale

   For myself I hold no preferences among flowers, so long as they are wild, free, spontaneous. Bricks to all greenhouses! Black thumb and cutworm to the potted plant!
 ~quotes on Flowers by Edward Abbey

   One person's weed is another person's wildflower.
 ~sayings on Weeds by Author Unknown

   Our own physical body possesses a wisdom which we who inhabit the body lack. We give it orders which make no sense.
 ~quotations on Chakras by Henry Miller

   Everyone is a friend, until they prove otherwise
 ~humorous motivational quote by Unknown

   A true friend is one who thinks you are a good egg even if you are half-cracked.
 ~saying about humorous by Author Unknown

   Do not be afraid of tomorrow; for God is already there.
 ~quote about Worry by Author Unknown

   God has not called us to see through each other, but to see each other through.
 ~quotes on Helping by Author Unknown

   I bought an audio cleaning tape. I'm a big fan of theirs.
 ~sayings on Funny Saying by Kevin Gildea

   I am looking for a lot of men who have an infinite capacity to not know what can't be done.
 ~quotations on Goals by Henry Ford

   I go about looking at horses and cattle. They eat grass, make love, work when they have to, bear their young. I am sick with envy of them.
 ~humorous motivational quote by Sherwood Anderson

   A kiss is the upper persuasion for a lower invasion.
 ~saying about humorous by Author Unknown

   Forget difficulties but not the lessons learn from them.
 ~quote about Career by

   Every civilization is, among other things, an arrangement for domesticating the passions and setting them to do useful work.
 ~quotes on Civilization by Aldous Huxley

   A candle loses none of its light by lighting another candle
 ~sayings on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day by Author Unknown

   Industry executives and analysts often mistakenly talk about strategy as if it were some kind of chess match. But in chess, you have just two opponents, each with identical resources, and with luck playing a minimal role. The real world is much more like a poker game, with multiple players trying to make the best of whatever hand fortune has dealt them. In our industry, Bill Gates owns the table until someone proves otherwise.
 ~quotations on Poker by David Moschella

   Conscience whispers, but interest screams aloud.
 ~humorous motivational quote by J. Petit-Senn

   There is certainly something in angling that tends to produce a serenity of the mind.
 ~saying about humorous by Washington Irving

   Worry is like a rocking chair, it will give you something to do, but it won't get you anywhere
 ~quote about Worry by Unknown

   There is one quality more important than know-how and we cannot accuse the United States of any undue amount of it. This is know-what by which we determine not only how to accomplish our purposes, but what our purposes are to be.
 ~quotes on Goals by Norbert Wiener, The Human Use of Human Beings, 1954

   The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism
 ~sayings on Adversity by Norman Vincent Peale

   I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.
 ~quotations on Celebrity by Oscar Levant

   During the feminist revolution, the battle lines were again simple. It was easy to tell the enemy, he was the one with the penis. This is no longer strictly true. Some men are okay now. We're allowed to like them again. We still have to keep them in line, of course, but we no longer have to shoot them on sight.
 ~humorous motivational quote by Cynthia Heimel, Sex Tips for Girls, 1983

   It is the nature of mortals to kick a fallen man.
 ~saying about humorous by Aeschylus, Agamemnon

   New York has a trip-hammer vitality which drives you insane with restlessness if you have no inner stabilizer.
 ~quote about Places by Henry Miller

   A truly great library contains something in it to offend everyone.
 ~quotes on Libraries by Jo Godwin

   Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving.
 ~sayings on Funny Quotes by David Letterman

   Everything in life is somewhere else, and you get there in a car.
 ~quotations on Driving by E.B. White, One Man's Meat, 1943

   The best kind of friend is the one you could sit on a porch with, never saying a word, and walk away feeling like that was the best conversation you've had
 ~humorous motivational quote by Author Unknown

   I am not impressed by the Ivy League establishments. Of course they graduate the best - it's all they'll take, leaving to others the problem of educating the country. They will give you an education the way the banks will give you money - provided you can prove to their satisfaction that you don't need it.
 ~saying about humorous by Peter DeVries

   Love is my religion - I could die for it.
 ~quote about Love by John Keats

   A mind always employed is always happy. This is the true secret, the grand recipe, for felicity.
 ~quotes on Labor by Thomas Jefferson
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