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humorous quotes for your Self help needs

   Men, like nails, lose their usefulness when they lose direction and begin to bend.
 ~quote about Purpose by Walter Savage Landor
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   Tea! thou soft, thou sober, sage, and venerable liquid,... thou female tongue-running, smile-smoothing, heart-opening, wind-tippling cordial, to whose glorious insipidity I owe the happiest moment of my life, let me fall prostrate.
 ~quotes on Tea by Colley Cibber, Lady's Last Stake

   Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!
 ~sayings on Imagination by Ted Geisel, a.k.a. Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Thinks You Can Think!

   It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.
 ~quotations on Attitude by Ralph Waldo Emerson

   Anyone who has ever looked into the glazed eyes of a soldier dying on the battlefield will think hard before starting a war.
 ~humorous motivational quotes by Otto Von Bismark

   Conversation is an art in which a man has all mankind for his competitors, for it is that which all are practising every day while they live.
 ~saying about humorous by Ralph Waldo Emerson
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   If God wanted us to be brave, why did He give us legs?
 ~quote about Courage by Marvin Kitman

   There must be a day or two in a man's life when he is the precise age for something important.
 ~quotes on Age by Franklin P. Adams

   Kids ought to have two bicycles, one to ride and one to rent.
 ~sayings on Entrepreneurism by Jim Rohn

   Knowledge is the true organ of sight, not the eyes.
 ~quotations on Knowledge by Panchatantra

   We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey
 ~humorous motivational quotes by Kenji Miyazawa

   Why should man expect his prayer for mercy to be heard by What is above him when he shows no mercy to what is under him?
 ~saying about humorous by Pierre Troubetzkoy

   Save when prosperous. There’s little fear of overspending when we’re not.
 ~quote about Financial by

   Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in loveI'd stepped in it a few times
 ~quotes on Valentine's Day by Rita Rudner

   Teaching people skills without giving them a vision for a better future a vision based on common values -- is only training
 ~sayings on Future by Nido Qubein

   The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.
 ~quotations on Wisdom by William James

   Boredom is a sickness the cure for which is work; pleasure is only a palliative.
 ~humorous motivational quotes by Le Duc de Lévis, Mémoires

   No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.
 ~saying about humorous by George Bernard Shaw

   In a man's letters his soul lies naked.
 ~quote about Letters by Samuel Johnson

   Man is the only animal for whom his own existence is a problem which he has to solve.
 ~quotes on Humankind by Erich Fromm, Man for Himself, 1947

   History is philosophy teaching by examples.
 ~sayings on History by Thucydides, The History of the Peloponnesian War

   In my youth, I stressed freedom, and in my old age I stress order. I have made the great discovery that liberty is a product of order
 ~quotations on Freedom by Will Durant

   Some marriages break up, and some do not, and in our world you can usually explain the former better than the latter.
 ~humorous motivational quotes by Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

   Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present.
 ~saying about humorous by Marcus Aurelius Antoninus

   The supreme philosophy is fortitude, self-mastery. To become a money master, or success master, we must first become self-masters.
 ~quote about Self Discipline by

   No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change.
 ~quotes on Happiness by Barbara De Angelis

   Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
 ~sayings on Business by Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

   Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
 ~quotations on Alcohol by W.C. Fields

   A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.
 ~humorous motivational quotes by Herbert Prochnow

   Art hath an enemy called ignorance.
 ~saying about humorous by Ben Jonson

   A lot of guys have had a lot of fun joking about Henry Ford because he admitted one time that he didn't know history. He don't know it, but history will know him. He has made more history than his critics ever read.
 ~quote about History by Will Rogers

   We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. Dead Poet's Society
 ~quotes on Poetry by

   What we have are good gray ballplayers, playing a good gray game and reading the good gray Wall Street Journal. They have been brainwashed, dry-cleaned and dehydrated!... Wake up the echoes at the Hall of Fame and you will find that baseball's immortals were a rowdy and raucous group of men who would climb down off their plaques and go rampaging through Cooperstown, taking spoils.... Deplore it if you will, but Grover Cleveland Alexander drunk was a better pitcher than Grover Cleveland Alexander sober.
 ~sayings on Baseball by Bill Veeck, The Hustler's Handbook

   Serenity of spirit and turbulence of action should make up the sum of a man's life.
 ~quotations on Life by Vita Sackville-West

   First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly
 ~humorous motivational quotes by Branch Rickey

   Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.
 ~saying about humorous by Lao Tzu

   I will follow the right side even to the fire, but excluding the fire if I can.
 ~quote about Integrity by Michel de Montaigne, translated

   Science has made us gods even before we are worthy of being men.
 ~quotes on Science by Jean Rostand
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