My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Author: Henny Youngman Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.
Author: Oscar Wilde I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.
Author: Mark TwainMotivational Quotes
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I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
Author: Mark Twain A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
Author: Mark Twain I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
Author: Joan Rivers Women should be obscene and not heard.
Author: Groucho Marx She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
Author: Groucho Marx I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
Author: Groucho Marx From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Author: Groucho Marx Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
Author: Oscar Levant Behind the phony tinsel of Hollywood lies the real tinsel.
Author: Oscar Levant Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character.
Author: Oscar Levant New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.
Author: David Letterman If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
Author: Johnny Carson I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
Author: George Carlin My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
Author: Woody Allen He who despairs over an event is a coward, but he who holds hope for the human condition is a fool.
Author: Albert Camus Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But imprisonment turns the state into a gay dungeon-master.
Author: Jesse Jackson I'd rather die as a man then live as a coward.
Author: Tupac Shakur In true dialogue, both sides are willing to change.
Author: Thich Nhat Hanh Abstract truth has no value unless it incarnates in human beings who represent it, by proving their readiness to die for it.
Author: Mahatma Gandhi When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.
Author: Charles A. Beard I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
Author: Woody Allen A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
Author: Lao-Tzu Never mistake motion for action.
Author: Ernest Hemingway The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
Author: George Bernard Shaw Well done is better than well said.
Author: Benjamin Franklin A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
Author: Winston Churchill I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
Author: Thomas Watson I think it would be a good idea.
Author: Mahatma Gandhi If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
Author: Will Rogers Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
Author: Irving Kristol There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
Author: Ken Olson After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
Author: Cato the Elder He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
Author: Abraham Lincoln The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
Author: Tom Clancy It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
Author: Mark Twain Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Author: Benjamin Franklin We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
Author: Jason Kidd
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