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 1Write your comments | Vote |By:  |Category: Funny Saying | 1995-06-01 |
      I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
Author: Henny Youngman

 2Write your comments | Vote |By:  |Category: Funny Saying | 1995-05-26 |
      Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.
Author: Oscar Wilde

 3Write your comments | Vote |By:  |Category: Funny Saying | 1995-05-21 |
      America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.
Author: Oscar Wilde
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 4Write your comments | Vote |By:  |Category: Funny Saying | 1995-05-17 |
      Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.
Author: Mark Twain

 5Write your comments | Vote |By:  |Category: Funny Saying | 1995-05-10 |
      I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
Author: Mark Twain

 6Write your comments | Vote |By:  |Category: Funny Saying | 1995-05-05 |
      No one ever went broke under-estimating the taste of the American public.
Author: Mark Twain

 7Write your comments | Vote |By:  |Category: Funny Saying | 1995-05-01 |
      I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.
Author: Joan Rivers

 8Write your comments | Vote |By:  |Category: Funny Saying | 1995-04-24 |
      My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
Author: Groucho Marx

 9Write your comments | Vote |By:  |Category: Funny Saying | 1995-04-19 |
      I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.
Author: Groucho Marx

 10Write your comments | Vote |By:  |Category: Funny Saying | 1995-04-14 |
      Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
Author: Groucho Marx

 11Write your comments | Vote |By:  |Category: Funny Saying | 1995-04-09 |
      Once a make up my mind, I'm full of indecision.
Author: Oscar Levant

 12Write your comments | Vote |By:  |Category: Funny Saying | 1995-04-04 |
      The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.
Author: Oscar Levant

 13Write your comments | Vote |By:  |Category: Funny Saying | 1995-03-30 |
      There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
Author: Oscar Levant

 14Write your comments | Vote |By:  |Category: Funny Saying | 1995-03-25 |
      I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.
Author: David Letterman

 15Write your comments | Vote |By:  |Category: Funny Saying | 1995-03-20 |
      For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.
Author: Johnny Carson

 16Write your comments | Vote |By:  |Category: Funny Saying | 1995-03-14 |
      Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
Author: George Carlin

 17Write your comments | Vote |By:  |Category: Funny Saying | 1995-03-06 |
      More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
Author: Woody Allen

 18Write your comments | Vote |By: Arthur James Balfour |Category: Funny Saying | 1994-12-31 |
      Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.
Author: Arthur James Balfour

 19Write your comments | Vote |By: Anatole France |Category: Funny Saying | 1994-11-17 |
      People who have no weaknesses are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them.
Author: Anatole France

 20Write your comments | Vote |By: Aldous Huxley |Category: Funny Saying | 1994-10-25 |
      The author of the Iliad is either Homer or, if not Homer, somebody else of the same name.
Author: Aldous Huxley

 21Write your comments | Vote |By: turbo |Category: Funny Saying | 1994-05-07 |
      better pissed off than pissed on
Author: dad

 22Write your comments | Vote |By: ece |Category: Funny Saying | 1994-04-08 |
      The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Author: Lopez

 23Write your comments | Vote |By:  |Category: Funny Saying | 1994-03-19 |
      The art galleries of Paris contain the finest collection of frames I ever saw.
Author: Humphrey Davy

 24Write your comments | Vote |By:  |Category: Funny Saying | 1994-03-18 |
      When having my portrait painted I don't want justice, I want mercy.
Author: Billy Hughes

 25Write your comments | Vote |By:  |Category: Funny Saying | 1994-03-17 |
      An amateur is someone who supports himself with outside jobs which enable him to paint. A professional is someone whose wife works to enable him to paint.
Author: Ben Shahn

 26Write your comments | Vote |By:  |Category: Funny Saying | 1994-03-16 |
      Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves they have a better idea.
Author: John Ciardi

 27Write your comments | Vote |By:  |Category: Funny Saying | 1994-03-15 |
      Anyone who sees and paints a sky green and fields blue ought to be sterilsed.
Author: Adolf Hitler

 28Write your comments | Vote |By:  |Category: Funny Saying | 1994-03-14 |
      This is either a forgery or a damn clever original.
Author: Frank Sullivan

 29Write your comments | Vote |By:  |Category: Funny Saying | 1994-03-13 |
      Salvador Dali seduced many ladies, particularly American ladies, but these seductions usually consisted of stripping them naked in his apartment, frying a couple of eggs, putting them on the woman's shoulders and, without a word, showing them the door.
Author: Luis Bunuel

 30Write your comments | Vote |By:  |Category: Funny Saying | 1994-03-12 |
      If it sells, it's art.
Author: Frank Lloyd.

 31Write your comments | Vote |By:  |Category: Funny Saying | 1994-03-10 |
      All music if folk music. I ain't never heard no horse sing a song.
Author: Louis Armstrong

 32Write your comments | Vote |By:  |Category: Funny Saying | 1994-03-09 |
      I hate music, especially when it's played.
Author: Jimmy Durante

 33Write your comments | Vote |By:  |Category: Funny Saying | 1994-03-07 |
      Jerry Lewis has been married twenty times. He gets married on a Tuesday, they find his wife dead in a swimming pool on Thursday. Maybe if you married someone who's old enough to swin next time, OK Jerry?
Author: Denis Leary

 34Write your comments | Vote |By:  |Category: Funny Saying | 1994-03-06 |
      People are wrong when they say opera is not what it used to be. It is what it used to be. That is what's wrong with it.
Author: Noel Coward

 35Write your comments | Vote |By:  |Category: Funny Saying | 1994-03-05 |
      I bought an audio cleaning tape. I'm a big fan of theirs.
Author: Kevin Gildea

 36Write your comments | Vote |By:  |Category: Funny Saying | 1994-03-04 |
      I went to watch Pavarotti once. He doesn't like it when you join in.
Author: Mick Miller

 37Write your comments | Vote |By:  |Category: Funny Saying | 1994-03-03 |
      Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.
Author: Ed Gardner

 38Write your comments | Vote |By:  |Category: Funny Saying | 1994-03-01 |
      The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet.
Author: Oliver Herford

 39Write your comments | Vote |By:  |Category: Funny Saying | 1994-02-28 |
      Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Author: Terry Pratchett

 40Write your comments | Vote |By:  |Category: Funny Saying | 1994-02-27 |
      I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.
Author: Hunter S. Thompson

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