Motivational Humor Sayings & Quotes

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      I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
Author: Oscar Wilde

      We have really everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language.
Author: Oscar Wilde

      One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards.
Author: Oscar Wilde

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      Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Author: Mark Twain

      I'm an experienced woman; I've been around... well, alright, I might not've been around, but I've been... nearby.
Author: Mary Richards

      Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Author: Groucho Marx

      I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Author: Groucho Marx

      When I was young I looked like Al Capone, but I lacked his compassion.
Author: Oscar Levant

      Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.
Author: Oscar Levant

      I am no more humble than my talents require.
Author: Oscar Levant

      There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.
Author: David Letterman

      Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.
Author: David Letterman

      Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
Author: George Carlin

      The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
Author: Woody Allen

      Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
Author: Woody Allen

      Tax reform is taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven't been taxed before.
Author: Art Buchwald

      If genius is one percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration, I wind up sharing elevators with a lot of bright people
Author: Randy Gilbert

      Jesus is like Sugar..
Author: Carolyn

      If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.
Author: Anatole France

      Tea to the English is really a picnic indoors.
Author: Alice Walker

      I'm always amazed that people will actually choose to sit in front of the television and just be savaged by stuff that belittles their intelligence.
Author: Alice Walker

       If you don't fail at least 90 percent of the time, you're not aiming high enough.
Author: Alan Kay

      A new point of view is worth 80 IQ points
Author: Alan Kay

      The real romance is out ahead and yet to come. The computer revolution hasn't started yet. Don't be misled by the enormous flow of money into bad defacto standards for unsophisticated buyers using poor adaptations of incomplete ideas
Author: Alan Kay

      Smoking can kill. If your dead, you've lost a very important part of your life.
Author: Melissa Stuart

      We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.
Author: Aesop

      Your butt smells like chickenpoo but you sniff it anyway because it's there
Author: 

      When faced with a challenge remember: This too shall pass - like a kidneystone !
Author: Anne Marie

      A woman's place is in the kitchen, telling her man how she likes her steak.
Author: Bucket

      I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius. Unfortunately, Rembrandt made lousy violins and Stradivarius was a terrible painter.
Author: Tommy Cooper

      Opera in English is, in the main, just about as sensible as baseball in Italian.
Author: H.L. Mencken

      Most rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk for people who can't read.
Author: Frank Zappa

      This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.
Author: George Burns

      USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
Author: David Letterman

      When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
Author: Peter O'Toole

      Great experience are even better when they are share!
Author: Calvin

      Forgive your enemies...but REMEMBER THEIR NAMES!
Author: 

      Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
Author: 

      Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Author: 

      Don't Take Life Seriously, It Is Not Permanent.
Author: 

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