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Sayings Type: Funny Quotes   Author: Woody Allen
      I am at two with nature.

Sayings Type: Funny Quotes   Author: Danny Devito
      Life is a game, whoever has the most money at the end wins

Sayings Type: Funny Quotes   Author: Mort Sahl
      Reagan won because he ran against Jimmy Carter. Had he run unopposed he would have lost.

Sayings Type: Funny Quotes   Author: Unknown
      I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
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Sayings Type: Funny Quotes   Author: David Brenner
      A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children.

Sayings Type: Funny Quotes   Author: Mel Brooks
      Deputy Barney Fife (Don Knotts on the Andy Griffith Show)

Sayings Type: Funny Quotes   Author: Mel Brooks
      I'm a man of the world, Andy. Why, I've even been to Raleigh!

Sayings Type: Funny Quotes   Author: Mel Brooks
      Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

Sayings Type: Funny Quotes   Author: Mel Brooks
      If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

Sayings Type: Funny Quotes   Author: Gallagher
      Don't you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked 'Brightness', but it doesn't work.

Sayings Type: Funny Quotes   Author: Rodney Dangerfield
      I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

Sayings Type: Funny Quotes   Author: Dave Barry
      You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

Type: Self Confidence   Inspirational Author: Abraham Lincoln
      Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

Type: Birthdays   Inspirational Author: Dave Barry, "Your Disintegrating Body," Dave Barry Turns 40, 1990
      Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once

Type: Adversity   Inspirational Author: Maltbie D. Babcock
      Better to lose count while naming your blessings than to lose your blessings to counting your troubles

Type: Death   Inspirational Author: Kahlil Gibran
      I said to Life, I would hear Death speak. And Life raised her voice a little higher and said, You hear him now

Type: Car   Inspirational Author: Albert Einstein
      To get to know a country, you must have direct contact with the earth. It's futile to gaze at the world through a car window

Type: Baseball   Inspirational Author: Bobby Murcer
      Trying to hit him (Phil Niekro) was like trying to eat Jell-O with chopsticks

Type: Attitude   Inspirational Author: Unknown
      Strive to be first: first to nod, first to smile, first to compliment, and first to forgive.

Type: Funny Saying   Inspirational Author: Hunter S. Thompson
      I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.

Type: Living   Inspirational Author: 
      A coin to a beggar deserves a credit; a kind word, two.

Type: Personality   Inspirational Author: 
      To ask timidly is to invite refusal. Ask as though you expected to receive.

Type: Family   Inspirational Author: 
      By the time a son realizes his father usually right, he has a son who thinks his father is usually wrong.

Type: Adversity   Inspirational Author: Russian Proverb
      If the thunder is not loud, the peasant forgets to cross himself

Type: Cute   Inspirational Author: Cheech Marin
      I just thought of something funny...your mother
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